Operation:OUT
by Electromagnetic
Summary: Sequel to Operation:CB. Genderswap. Ryan still thinks Quinn's gay. Quinn has something to say about that.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: Did you know that if you fence off a piece of land and no-one complains for seven years, you legally own that land?**

**Anyway, I don't, at the time of posting this and probably ever, own Glee.**

** Also, other people have called their genderswapped characters Ryan and Quinn so here's to them.**

**AN: Sequel to Operation:CB. Genderswapped Rachel and Quinn.**

**Warning: Filth and swears.**

**Chapter 1 - rated T, posted 23.05.12**

* * *

Ryan had almost given up hope.  
Quinn had been avoiding him since their…'art lesson' and all attempts at communication on his end had been shot down. Brutally.  
One more try, he told himself as he approached the blonde's locker.

"Quinn, I -"

"That one's on me, Coagula." the jock sneered "Oh wait, I guess it's on you."  
Ryan stood, perplexed, as the icy syrup trekked down his face.

"Coagula? Like, the DC character? David, am I to believe that -"  
The football player ended the dripping boy's rant by flicking the empty slushy cup into his face.

"Later, Judy Gold." the boy nodded "Fabray."

The singer turned to Quinn who seemed to be holding back a smile. And then the blonde uttered the first words he's said to him in almost three weeks.

"You…uh…you've got something…" he gestured to his own cheek, barely containing his laughter as the blue sludge glooped down the other boy's jaw.

"Yes, thank you, Quinn." Ryan said before striding off in the direction of the locker rooms.  
He'd need to take a shower and soak this jumper if there was going to be any chance of saving it.  
The last one had had to be thrown.

_**~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~**_

"_Red thong, party's on, love this song, sing along.  
__Come together, leave alone, see you later back at home._"

Ryan was intrigued. The mysterious voice drifted over to his place at the sink, where the stains just would not leave his jumper, from one of the shower stalls.

"_No-one really knows if she's drunk or if she's stoned  
__but she's coming back to my place tonight.  
__I say no-one really knows just how far she's gonna go  
__But I'm _-"

The singing abruptly stopped when the owner or the voice clearly ingested water resulting in a mild coughing fit.  
Ryan decided that approaching what was probably a naked boy while he himself was only partially clothed would constitute one of those social faux-pas he'd always heard so much about and so decided against it. Instead, he disrobed and slipped into a stall, washing the congealing gunk from his slightly-stained skin and hair.

"Hmmm _srtip her down, she's _hmmhmm _the end_. Hmmhmm hmmhmm _she's a bad, bad girlfriend_!"  
Here, the song turned into some kind of vocal drum solo and Ryan saw it fit to intervene.

"You have a pretty good voice, you know." he started "Of course, you lack the extensive vocal training necessary to be considered truly great but, for a beginner, you're rather talented."

The sing/drumming halted and for a few seconds, the only sound to be heard was the hiss of the showers.

"Um…thanks." the voice replied.

"You're welcome. You should join the glee club. Your talents would be greatly appreciated there, I'm sure."

"…Yeah…I don't know about that. Like…isn't that club for losers or whatever?"

Ryan stifled his gasp of indignation, fearful that coming on too strong might scare the boy away.  
"It most certainly is not!" Oh well. "Glee club is for talented vocalists such as myself! It's just an unfortunate coincidence that the individuals which happen to exhibit the most talent seem to be shunned by this society and it's (frankly, archaic) hierarchy ruled by sporting prowess, sexual promiscuity and the size of daddy's bank account! I find the insinuation that those of us blessed with exceptional abilities are automatically classed as 'losers' highly insulting and I demand that you revoke your statement!"

Here, a breath was taken.

"…Err…I don't know. I don't think they'll let me sing that song. It's, like, full of curse words."

Clearly, the boy ignored that paragraph.  
It was probably for the best.

"Not to worry," Ryan replied, undeterred by the boy's blatant disregard for his ranting "you can simply pick another song. Or you could sensor the inappropriate words. So you'll join?"

"…I'll think about it, I guess."

"Excellent! I'm Ryan, by the way. Ryan Berry."

"Um…Finn."

"Well, Finn, it was a pleasure to meet you and to hear you sing."

"…Yeah…"

Sensing that the conversation was over, Ryan quickly rinsed his hair and vacated the shower.  
He would have to settle for wearing just his shirt as his jumper was stained beyond salvage but nothing could dampen his mood today. Thing's were looking up.

_**~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~**_

"Excuse me!…Anybody!…Help!" came the muffled voice of one Ryan Berry from the inside of a dumpster.

It was ignored.

"So, Q," Santana started, linking her little finger with Brittany's "Sylvester's making us join that loser club with all the jazz hands. Something about hair products and espionage or whatever. You in?"

Quinn stopped walking to stare at the Latina.

"Why would I join the loser brigade?"

"To keep us company. Besides, Britt wants you there and what Britt wants, Britt gets." she replied with a menacing glare.

The blonde girl just smiled.

Quinn sighed and kept walking.

"Whatever, Q. You know you'll cave. You always do."

Quinn left them on the football field while he went to change for practice.

"So I thought about it and it might be really fun, you know?"

"Man, you're one weird dude if you think that prancing around in tights is fun."

"They wouldn't make me do that…would they?"

Quinn caught the tail end of the conversation between Finn and Puck as he entered the locker room.

"What are you guys talking about?" he asked.

"Hudson's defected to the awkward side. Isn't that right, Finnie boy?" Puck replied, slapping the tall teen on the back.

"Shut up, Puck!" the boy whined then straightened up to address his captain "I've decided to join the glee club."

Quinn took a moment to just stare at the gigantic boy. Sure, he'd known he was stupid but he hadn't realised that he was _that_ stupid.

"No." was Quinn's simple reply.

"No?" Finn asked, confused.

"No. You're not joining the glee club." he elaborated.

Finn thought for a second. It was painful to watch.

"You can't tell me what to do!" he cried after all that strenuous thinking.

"I can and I am. I'm your captain and I decide who gets to dance around like an idiot. You don't."

"That's so unfair!" Finn bellowed.

"Yeah, Fabray, if the guy wants to sparkle, let him sparkle." Puck interjected.

"Yeah! Let me sparkle!"

Quinn simply glared as Puck laughed and Finn looked an odd mix of confused and indignant.  
He decided that it wasn't worth the argument.

"Hey, don't worry, man, I got your back." Puck comforted the nine-foot child.

"So you'll join with me?" Finn asked hopefully.

"Hey, wait, I didn't say -"

"Thanks, man!"

Choking sounds could be heard coming from the mohawked boy who was now held tightly in the giant's embrace.  
Nobody intervened.

_**~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~**_

"Seems like your whole team's joined the Judy Garland fan club but you, Fabray." Santana mused as they sat at the lunch table.

Quinn's head jerked up from his food.  
"What?" he asked, slightly panicked.

"The glee club, Q. Hudson, Puck, Chang, Silent-guy, who's next?"

"They joined? I told Hudson he couldn't. The others joined too?"

"Looks like your boys have left you for brighter, rainbow-coloured pastures."

"You should join too, Q. It's really fun! There's a bunch of song's I don't know but there's dancing!" Brittany bounced in her seat and Santana smirked.

"Yeah, Q, you seem to be the only one who's still in denial about wanting to take a ride on the Streisand Express."

They glared at each other across the table for at least a minute before Quinn abruptly stood and marched out of the cafeteria.

"San, where d'you think Quinn's going?" Brittany asked as she pilfered the fruit cup from his abandoned tray.

"I don't know, Britt. Probably to profess his love of unicorns through the medium of show-tunes."

°·oo°·oo°·oo°·oo°·oo

"Quinn! What a pleasant surp -"

Ah, the wall slam. How I've missed thee.

"Shut it, Berry. What's this about you and your tranny brigade stealing all my players?"

"Oh yes, we've had quite the influx of new recruits into glee club today." Ryan replied happily despite being pinned to the wall. "First Santana and Brittany, then Finn, Noah, Mike and Matt. It's certainly been a good day for the arts."

Quinn almost blushed at that but refrained.

"You've been poaching my players!"

"While I admit that, yes, I did happen to hear Finn singing in the shower and just had to convince him to join the club, I did not convince any of the others to join. They did it of their own free will."

…In the shower?

Quinn would not freak out. He wouldn't. Absolutely not. No freaking out here, no sir.

"WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU DOING IN THE SHOWER WITH FINN?"

Ah.  
So much for that.

Now, this was the most Quinn had spoken to Ryan since their…thing, and Ryan couldn't help but notice the way that the blonde turned ever-so-slightly possessive at the mere suggestion that he'd been with another person.  
He decided to use it to his advantage.

Well, no. Actually, he decided to push his luck.

"Quinn, what I do in the shower with others in my own free time is hardly any of your business now is it?" he smiled condescendingly.

Quinn gaped for a second but quickly recovered with a nice insult.  
"…But…Finn?"  
Or at least that's what he meant to do.

"Quinn, if you don't mind, I have to get to glee. The new recruits have to audition and, as glee club captain, it's my duty to oversee the proceedings."

The singer gently pushed Quinn back and escaped his hold. He left the stupefied blonde to stare blankly at the wall.

_**~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~**_

"I wanna join."

Quinn had caught up with Santana and Brittany in the hallway. They were on their way to audition for glee club.

"Oh, so Mr. 'I'm-not-joining-the-loser-brigade' has finally come to his senses and realised that I'm always right, Hmm?"

"Yeah, yeah, whatever. Look, I have to join, ok? Just let me tag along."

The Latina regarded the boy curiously. No doubt concocting a multitude of scathing insults to hurl.  
She was stopped by the irresistible pout of her best-friend-but-maybe-something-more-but-don't-tell-anyone.

"Saaaan! Let Q join! I wanna dance with him!" Brittany stuck out her bottom lip and Santana was a goner.

"Fine. C'mon, Fabray, we gots some ass to shake." with that, she led them both to the auditorium where the loud whine of electric guitars could be heard.

"_My girlfriend's a _**fun** _magnet_.  
_My girlfriend's gotta have it_.  
_She's hot, can't stop, up on stage, doing _**flips**_,  
__Tip the man he'll ring the bell,  
__get her _**happy**_ she'll scream like hell.  
_**Pretty**_ girl, gettin' down, dance with guys from outta town.  
__Grab her _**hand**_, actin' tough. Mess with her, she'll _**be disappointed**_.  
__No one really knows  
__if she's _**happy**_ or if she's _**really happy**_,  
__but she's comin' back to my place tonight!_"

Finn was up on stage with Puck who was wailing on a guitar. Quinn knew this song. Finn had well and truly butchered it with his attempt at making the lyrics PC. He even put emphasis on the words he'd changed. Just in case.  
Puck joined in for the chorus. He seemed not to be bothered with changing the words and stuck with the original lines. Putting emphasis on the words he _hadn't_ changed.  
It was disastrous.

"_She likes to shake her _**hands/**_**ass**__ she grinds it to the beat  
__She likes to pull my hair when I make her _**a home-cooked meal/**_**grind her teeth  
**__I like to _**hold her hand/**_**strip her down **__she's _**friendly/**_**naughty**__ to the end  
__You know what she is, no doubt about it  
__She's a bad, bad girlfriend!_"

Santana was trying not to laugh by stuffing almost her entire arm into her mouth. Brittany just smiled and started jumping along with the beat.

Now Puck seemed to be singing only the unchanged words.

"_Red _**socks/**_**thong**__, party's on, love this song, sing along.  
__Come together, leave alone, see you later back at home.  
__No-one really knows if she's _**happy/**_**drunk**__ or is she's _**really happy/**_**stoned  
**__But she's coming back to my place tonight.  
__I say no-one really knows just how far she's gonna go,  
__But I'm gonna find out later tonight._"

Puck took over the next part. This was a bad decision.

"_Doesn't take her long to make things right.  
__But does it make her wrong to have the time of her life.  
__The time of her life.  
__My girlfriend's a dick magnet.  
__My girlfriend's gotta have it_.  
_She's a gold digger now you figure out it's over, pull the trigger.  
__Futures finished, there it went, savings gone, the money spent.  
__I look around and all I see is, no good, bad and ugly.  
__Man she's hot and fixed to be, the future ex-Miss Connolly!_"

Santana was, by this point, close to tears.

"_She likes to shake her _**hands/**_**ass**__ she grinds it to the beat  
__She likes to pull my hair when I make her _**a home-cooked meal/**_**grind her teeth  
**__I like to _**hold her hand/**_**strip her down **__she's _**friendly/**_**naughty**__ to the end  
__You know what she is, no doubt about it  
__She's a bad, bad girlfriend!  
__She's a bad, bad girlfriend.  
__She's a bad, bad girlfriend._"

The guitar faded out to reveal the shocked silence of the collective glee club including Mr. Shuester.

"Haha! Oh my God! Hahaha! No way!" Santana had finally cracked.

"The magical shower goblin told me that it'd be ok if I changed the words!" Finn protested.

"Oh my gosh! You've seen him too?" Brittany exclaimed. She was ignored.

"Right…um…thank's guys. That was…great." the curly-haired man praised. "Who's next?"

Santana pushed Quinn forward.

"Quinn! I didn't know you'd be joining us. What will you be performing today?" the man asked.

Quinn turned to the still-red-faced Latina and hissed "What? I don't know what to sing!"

She hissed back " 's on you, Q. Me 'n' Britts are just here to dance. And to spy or whatever."  
She pushed the boy onto the stage as she and Brittany took their positions behind him.

"…Um…" Think, think, think! He looked down at the glee club. What a bunch of losers. His eyes caught Ryan's and the boy smiled encouragingly. Oh!

"_Oh oh  
__Wee-ell-Now!  
__Relax don't do it  
__When you want to go to it.  
__Relax don't do it  
__When you want to come._"

Brittany was still dancing even though Santana had fallen to the floor in a fit of hysterics.  
Quinn saw Ryan trying to hide a smirk and snapped out of his temporary stupidity.

"No! Wait, let me start over."

The teacher nodded. Obviously, his heart couldn't take any more strain.

"_Girl I know I don't know you  
__But your pretty little eyes so blue  
__Are pulling me in  
__Like the moon on your skin._"

The magical band that knew every song ever started up to accompany his soft voice. The girls behind him made sweeping arcs with their bodies.

"_I'm so glad you trusted me  
__To slide up on this dusty seat  
__And let your hair down  
__Get out of town.  
__Got the stars coming out over my hood  
__And all I know now is it's going good._"

With the chorus, the entire club seemingly decided out of nowhere to join in. Quinn hoped they didn't do that often.

"_You got your hands up  
__You're rocking in my truck  
__You got the radio on  
__You're singing every song.  
__I'm set on cruise control  
__I'm slowly losing hold  
__Of everything I got  
__You're looking so damn hot_"

Now Ryan harmonised with him.

"_And I don't know what road we're on  
__Or where we've been  
__From staring at you girl.  
__All I know is I don't want this night to end._"

They were clapping now. It was weird.

"_Gonna cuss the morning when it comes_

_Cause I know that the rising sun  
__Ain't no good for me  
__Cause you'll have to make the most of every mile  
__Do anything to make your smile  
__Land on my lips  
__Get drunk on your kiss._"

He could have sworn he saw Berry staring at him just then. He shook it off. Whatever.

"_Clock on the dash says 3:35  
__There's plenty of gas and the night's still alive.  
__You got your hands up  
__You're rocking in my truck  
__You got the radio on  
__You're singing every song.  
__I'm set on cruise control  
__I'm slowly losing hold  
__Of everything I got  
__You're looking so damn hot_."

There it was again! Berry was checking him out! In front of everyone! How dare he?

"_And I don't know what road we're on  
__Or where we've been  
__From staring at you girl.  
__All I know is I don't want this night to end.  
__You got your hands up  
__You're rocking in my truck  
__You got the radio on  
__You're singing every song.  
__I'm set on cruise control  
__I'm slowly losing hold  
__Of everything I got  
__You're looking so damn hot  
__And I don't know what road we're on  
__Or where we've been  
__From staring at you girl.  
__All I know is I don't want this night to end.  
__I don't want this night to end.  
__No I don't want this night to end._"

The auditorium erupted into was congratulating him and patting him on the back. Yep, not bad for country.

"Quinn! You never told me you could sing! I mean, you have a lovely speaking voice so it stands to reason that you must have some sort of vocal ability but I never expected it to this extent. You were amazing. A little sharp, perhaps, but amazing none the less." Ryan beamed.

"Um…sure Berry." Quinn sighed, too tired and elated to start an argument.

"Well, guys, it looks like you all made the cut!" Mr. Shuester announced happily.

"If we all made it then how was there a cut at all? And how come Chang and Silent-guy got in? They didn't even perform!" Santana asked.

"It's a glee club," a boy in a wheelchair, Artie, explained "we're not picky."

"Right!" the curly man exclaimed "Assignments! I want everyone to go home and find a song that describes you to perform at the next glee club meeting."

"And when is that?" Quinn asked.

"Tomorrow!" was the smiley reply.

"Does he always cut it this close?" Quinn whispered to Artie.

"What? A whole day to prepare? We're privileged!"

_**~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~**_

"So, Finn, I was thinking that we could work on that glee club assignment together to maximise efficiency. What do you think?"

"Um…sure, Ryan." Finn replied, looking down at the significantly shorter boy.

"Great! Meet me at my house in an hour! Bye, Finn!"

"But wait! I don't know where you -"  
But he was already gone.  
Quinn, however, was still around and had heard the entire exchange.  
He stalked off after the boy.

"What are you playing at?"  
Oh, it was a car he'd been pushed against this time. Nice touch.

"Quinn, I don't know what you mean." Ryan replied innocently.

"You know exactly what I mean. What's going on with Finn?" the blonde growled.

"We've merely scheduled a rendezvous at my house in order to work on the assignment together. Does that bother you, Quinn?"

"Yes it does."

"Well tough. We're doing it anyway." the singer stated defiantly.  
Quinn wondered when it was that he lost all control over everything and everyone.

_**~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~**_

Quinn was barely keeping it together. The jealousy was stifling.  
How dare Hudson take what's his?  
He wasn't done with it!

"Hey, Fabray." a random cheerio purred into his ear.  
He didn't even look her way before dismissing her with a 'not now' and a wave of an arm.  
Dejectedly, she tramped away.  
He didn't notice. Or care.

He kept pacing the cracked tarmac outside the school.  
It had been an hour and a half and his thoughts were only succeeding in making him even more worked up.

After seven more lengths, he decided to take action.  
His pace didn't slow but now he had a destination in mind: the Berry house.

It only took ten minutes to get there.  
He knocked but received no answer. This sent his imagination on a rampage.  
The door was unlocked.  
He entered.  
There was no music.  
There should be music!  
Why isn't there music!

Enraged, Quinn stormed up the stairs to a door which was emblazoned with a large, gold star.  
He barged in.

"Quinn!" Ryan yelped from his place at the computer while Finn sat on the floor amongst piles of manuscript books looking mildly dazed.

Quinn grabbed the tall boy by his collar and yanked him to his feet.  
"Your mom wants you." he ground out through clenched teeth.

"Really? Thanks, Quinn!" Finn beamed and left the room in a hurry, probably relieved to have escaped.

"Quinn, I must tell you that bursting into someone's room while they're in the middle of an assignment is extremely rude. As is forcing Finn to leave. How did you get into the house anyway?"

"Door was unlocked." Quinn stated, advancing on the slightly shorter boy.

"Regardless, you should have knocked and waited for a response like any normal person would."

"Did knock. No answer. Didn't feel like waiting around." Quinn's eyes were glazed now as he leered at the singer.

"Just because you 'didn't feel like waiting', doesn't give you the right to break into someone's home. What if I'd been indecent?"

"Then I'd have gotten here just in time."

Then, Quinn pounced on the boy, pinning him against the computer desk.  
Ryan wasn't all that shocked. After all, he had kind of planned this to make Quinn jealous. What confused him was the fact that there was a nice, large, comfortable bed not four feet away and yet Quinn insisted on pressing him against the hard edge of his desk.  
Surely, if one was too choose a location for finally expressing emotions which have been pent up for long time, one would pick the bed.  
Much more intimate.

"You thought you could fuck around with someone else and I'd just stand by and watch?" Quinn growled into Ryan's ear.

Ryan whimpered.  
"I wasn't under the impression that you had any sort of claim on me." he husked.

Quinn scoffed.  
"Of course I do, Berry, you're mine."

Ryan almost swooned but there was something in Quinn's tone, his words, that Ryan didn't like the feel of.

"What do you mean, Quinn?" Ryan gasped as their lower bodies collided.

"I mean, I own you. I own you and no-one else can have you until I'm done."

Oh.

Ryan pushed on Quinn's shoulders. Quinn pushed back. Far too heartbroken to put up with Quinn's lust, Ryan gave a rough shove to Quinn's chest, sending him staggering back.

Quinn looked at him, confused.

"Get out, Quinn." Ryan said calmly.

"What? We were just getting started." Quinn argued.

"Get out! You don't get to barge in here, treat me like crap and demand sex! Leave. Now."

Quinn didn't know what to do.  
Thankfully, Ryan sorted that out for him when he pushed him through the door and down the stairs. They stood on either side of the threshold, Quinn wearing a panicked expression, Ryan a scowl.

"Come back when you're ready to accept yourself and start something real, Quinn." Ryan said before slamming the door in Quinn's face.

The blonde just stood there, staring at the door, for what seemed like an eternity.  
And then the words sunk in.

Accept himself?  
Something real?  
…Come back?

"Fuck him." Quinn muttered as he stormed away.

* * *

**Songs: _Bad Girlfriend_ ~ Theory of a Deadman, _I don't want this night to end_ ~ Luke Bryan.**

**AN: Hey, thanks for the reviews for Operation:CB. This one's gonna be multichapter but not too long. Probably three chapters.**

**Anyway, the next one has smut. You can thank** baconbreadstix **for that.**

**It might take ages for me to post chapters because I am easily distracted. Suggestions help. Thank you!**


	2. Chapter 2

**AN: Filth isn't allowed? Does it count if he's not all that into it?**

**Anyway, this is based on **baconbreadstix**'s review.**

**Chapter 2 - rated M, posted 19.06.12**

* * *

"So, Fabbers, what's got your goat? You've been moping about like someone strangled your parakeet for a whole week now." Santana delicately inquired.

Quinn spared her a brief glance before returning to glaring at his juice box.

"Sanny, I don't like Quinn being so sad. Maybe we should buy him a new parakeet."

"Sure, Britt, that's a great idea. How 'bout it, Q?" Santana goaded.

Again, Quinn said nothing.

"Oh! Quinn! I know what'll cheer you up! When San's sad I always give her sweet lady kisses but you aren't a lady so maybe we could just give you sexy time instead!"

"Britt…"

"It's perfect, San! Quinn likes sexy time, we like sexy time, we've done it before and it was super fun! Pleeeease, San?" Brittany pouted.

Santana sighed.  
"Fine. Quinn, my house, Tuesday, nine thirty. I swear if you aren't happy after this, I'll make sure you never smile again. Got that?"

And with that, Santana stood from the table and dragged a giggling Brittany out of the cafeteria.  
Quinn just continued to stare down his lunch.

_**~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~**_

Quinn didn't bother going to glee club.  
He had things to glare at.  
He'd been sort of just drifting ever since Ryan kicked him out of his house.  
Sure, he didn't care about Berry but the rejection still pissed him off.  
No-one rejects Quinn Fabray!

"Sure, Ryan, what time?" a dopey voice drifted around the corner to where Quinn stood.

"Shall we say seven thirty? That will give me adequate time to prepare."  
That was definitely Ryan.

"Cool. I'll pick you up."

"That would be wonderful, Finn."

Quinn didn't like the sound of that.  
Berry had rejected him for Finn?  
Who the Hell did he think he was!  
And what did Finn fucking Hudson have that Quinn didn't?

Not that he wanted Ryan or anything.

Why waste time on the geek when he had cheerleaders to screw?

_**~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~**_

Quinn sat uncomfortably on the edge of Santana's bed.  
Santana had her tongue down Brittany's throat.  
It was, of course, Tuesday evening.

Santana had slipped her hand into her blonde counterpart's underwear and moaning could be heard over the heavy breathing.

Brittany reached over to Quinn and, with the hand that wasn't on Santana's breast, undid his belt. Her hand slid under the fabric of his trousers to stroke him through his boxers.

Just as he felt himself getting hard, the hand was abruptly snatched away as Brittany pushed Santana onto her back and stripped the Latina and herself of their clothing.  
Quinn undressed and finished stroking himself to attention.  
A condom lay on the bedside table and he made use of it.

Brittany was tongue deep in a writhing Latina, her posterior waving in the air as she worked.  
Quinn positioned himself behind the girl and slowly pushed in.  
The resulting moan sent vibrations through Santana who, in turn, let out an impressively loud moan of her own.

Quinn settled his hands on Brittany's waist and settled into a speedy rhythm, pumping his hips to meet her backside.  
When he felt her tightening around him, he reached around and placed his fingers against her, causing her to shudder through her orgasm.

He pulled out and discarded the condom.  
He knew that Brittany could only take so much stimulation.  
Santana, on the other hand, was working on her second orgasm of the night.

Perhaps most guys would have been finished by now.  
After all, he was with two of the hottest girls in existence, but truth be told, he couldn't actually remember the last time he had come.

That's a lie.  
He remembered vividly the come-soaked knitted jumper against the dark background of the blackboard.  
But before that; nothing.

He had always had trouble with achieving orgasm.  
No matter how hard he tried, how many girls he fucked, he just couldn't get it.

Of course, he always pretended that he had.  
To be polite.

Frankly, he found the fact that he had come from rubbing against Ryan Berry disturbing.  
Which is why he was confused as to why he hadn't stopped thinking about it since it happened.  
Perhaps it would help in this situation.

He walked around to the edge of the bed so he was level with Santana's head.  
Sensing him there, she blindly reached out to grasp him in her hand.  
He looked down at the tanned hand encompassing him and felt a jolt of something vaguely familiar. Something that conjured images of stained jumpers and big, brown eyes.

As he focused on the contrast of their skin, his eyes slipped shut.

The hand moving along his length was slightly bigger now. Gentler.  
The arm it was attached to was more muscular.  
The torso was firm and flat.  
The legs; surprisingly long.  
The…whole body was pleasingly hard.  
The hair was dark.  
The nose; pronounced.  
The lips; pouty and full.  
The eyes; deep and dark and strangely understanding.  
The moans were deeper and more arousing.

"Ryan…" Quinn whispered.  
Neither cheerleader heard. Santana because of the blood rushing in her ears and Brittany because of the thighs covering hers.

And then Quinn's body became taller and softer and his thoughts became less coherent.  
At first, he thought that he'd finally achieved climax and was experiencing some sort of profound, spiritual release but then he left his body and saw himself.

He was tall. More so than usual. Like, really tall.  
He was pasty. Less like a porcelain statue and more like an anaemic.  
He was clumsy. His usual grace and poise, gone.  
He was brunette. Not as dark as the boy beneath him but definitely darker than his normal, golden hue.

He was also Finn.

"Fuck! How could he!" Quinn bellowed, alarming both girls.

"Quinn, what are you -"

"Why! What does that moron have? I'm Quinn Fabray! Quinn _fucking_ Fabray! Nobody turns away Quinn _fucking_ Fabray when he comes over! Especially not for some overgrown, underdeveloped, moronic, pathetic, pasty, saggy, disgusting, depressing, incompetent, useless, sad, deplorable, inadequate, worthless, pitiful, miserable, -"

"San," Brittany whispered as the naked boy paced the room angrily "I think Q's broken. I'm pretty sure a lot of those words mean the same thing."  
Santana just nodded and stared.

"- gross, mangy, contemptible, insignificant, miserly, detestable, despicable, deplorable, vile, wretched, -"

"Yep, definitely broken." the blonde girl nodded resolutely.

"- inferior BASTARD!" Quinn roared.

"Q!" Santana barked "Who are you talking about?"

"Berry! Who else?" the boy replied distractedly.

"You think Ryan's despicable, Quinn? 'Cause I know you aren't, like, besties or anything but I didn't know you thought of him as abhorrent or, like, repugnant or anything." Brittany asked.

"NO! Not Ryan. Never Ryan. Finn! That fucking abominable, obnoxious, repulsive, -"

"Quinn! Enough with the synonyms, you're giving me pop-quiz-brain. Explain. In simple words. And at an acceptable volume, if you don't mind." the Latina interjected.

"Ryan…Finn…just…just…" Quinn sighed, having come down somewhat from his rage-induced hysteria.

Santana narrowed her eyes.

Brittany beamed.  
"Don't worry, Q. Finn's, like, totally a shark. He'd never encroach on your territory or anything. He's just too dumb to realise that it looks like he is."

"What?" Quinn asked, panicking slightly.

Santana's eyes narrowed further.

Quinn bolted to his clothes and dressed in record time.  
He was out of the door in seconds.

"San, your eyes are all squinty. Like when I -"  
Santana cut off Brittany with a firm kiss to the lips.

"San…"

"You wanna go to Breadstix with me?" Santana asked.

"Um, yeah, sure. Who're we going with?"

"Just us, Britt."

"…Just us? San…what are…"

"Come on." Santana smiled and handed the blonde her clothes as a slow smile engulfed her face.

_**~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~**_

Quinn found himself, once again, pacing in front of the school.  
Stupid Finn.  
Stupid Berry.  
Stupid Santana and Brittany.  
…Stupid Quinn.

With a gruff sigh, he sat heavily on the stone steps at the school's entrance.  
His head fell into his hands.

"Hey." came a soft, familiar voice from beside him.  
Great. The last person he wanted to deal with.  
Quinn didn't respond.

"Quinn, you don't have to speak. Brittany texted me."  
At this, Quinn's eyebrow rose.  
The voice seemed to sense this and explained.  
"We're kind of secret friends. Ever since second grade and that unfortunate incident with the unicorn and the candlestick and…Well anyway, she told me you might need someone to talk to so here I am."

Quinn remained silent. The voice continued.

"She and Santana are at Breadstix. Just them. Brittany is really excited." Quinn smiled at this "I'm really happy for them but I hope Santana isn't just messing around. They deserve each other."

Quinn nodded into his hands.

"It must be really difficult; feeling like you have this huge secret that you have to keep and having to hurt the people you love to keep it. I just hope Santana can finally admit it to Brittany. And to herself."

Again, Quinn nodded. This time, he raised his head a little. His eyes were slightly red but Ryan graciously ignored it.  
Both boys kept their heads facing forwards as they sat side-by-side.

"I think they could be really happy together. If they let themselves. Or rather, if Santana lets them because we all know that Brittany would go to the ends of the Earth, in shoes made of jagged glass, with her head in a vice and a circus elephant that spews degrading insults at her with every step she takes, just to keep Santana happy. Or, actually, she'd probably do that for anyone. She's awesome that way."

Quinn chuckled lightly and Ryan smiled.  
"She is pretty awesome." Quinn agreed quietly.

They sat in silence for a few minutes before Ryan's phone vibrated. He opened the text he'd received and laughed, showing Quinn who laughed as well.

'_OMG! Bst d8 EVR! S evn sd it was a d8! We held hands n evrything! How'd it go w/ Q? U find him? Cnt tlk now, gtta giv S sum swEt ldy kisses 4 bein such a swEt ldy 2nite ;) txt me 2moz!'_

Trust Brittany to lighten the mood so substantially without even being present.  
Quinn took a deep breath and expelled all of the anger he'd been feeling at the world.

"You wanna sing about it?" Ryan asked lightly.  
Quinn just laughed and shook his head.

"I have a better idea." Quinn said as he stood "Come on, Berry."

Ryan followed the blonde as he strode around to the back of the school where the sports facilities were located. A key was produced from the boy's jeans and a door was unlocked.  
Ryan looked hesitant but Quinn waved him off, explaining that, as football captain, he was allowed to use the equipment whenever he saw fit. He disappeared into the building and re-emerged minutes later with a baseball and two gloves.  
Ryan raised an eyebrow and Quinn shrugged, saying that he'd always preferred baseball to football.

And so, under the rapidly-darkening sky, in the shadow of a deserted school, each with thoughts and feelings that couldn't be stated out loud in fear of destroying everything, they played catch.

* * *

**An: Sorry for the wait. And for this stupid _friendship_ ending. **

**Please make suggestions because I am incapable of original thought.**


	3. Chapter 3

**AN: Getting to know the club a little bit.**

**Chapter 3**** - rated T, posted 04.07.12**

* * *

"Mr. Schue, as a red-blooded alpha male, I feel it's my duty to say something about the shameful lack of tail in this club."

"Puck, please sit down."

"Nu-uh, I mean seriously! I know we got the wonder twins over there," he gestured to where Santana sat with Brittany draped over her "and we got Brittany too," Santana glared "but ever since they got all up on each other, neither one of them will get all up on me! Something must be done!" he cried.

Mr. Schuester just sighed as the inevitable argument broke out.

Quinn was sat near the back of the room with his head in a book. He'd grown to enjoy glee club over the few weeks he'd been a part of it. He'd even learned everyone's names.  
The only thing that tempered his contentment was currently sat two rows ahead of him, laughing dopily down at a beaming Ryan Berry.

For some reason, he just couldn't stand Finn.  
Now if he could just put his finger on why…

"Hey! I'm in this club too, ya know!" Mercedes squawked.

"A-a-and me!" added Tina, albeit far more quietly.  
Kurt just folded his arms.

"You had better keep your hand out of your pants when you're talking about my Britts, _Puckerman_!" Santana warned from the other side of the choir room.

"What about when I'm talking about your twins?" the boy asked with a smirk which was wiped off his face when the Latina lunged for him.

Quinn turned the page. The story was getting good.

"You know what, Mr. Schue? Maybe we do need more girls." came the ever-confused-sounding voice of the current object of Quinn's ire.

"And how do you propose we get more girls to join up, Finn?" the teacher asked, glad that the brawl had died down.

"Um…I don't know…maybe…uh…we could…like, advertise the club?"

A few seconds of silence ticked by before the curly-haired man's excited outburst.  
"That's a great idea, Finn! We could get the word out around school! Once they know how great it is, lots of people will want to join!"

Quinn was sure that the boy had meant some kind of television advertisement but let it go.  
Right on cue, Ryan stood from his seat and started frantically spewing ideas and plans and doling out tasks.  
It seemed like they hardly ever actually sang in glee club anymore.

_**~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~**_

The greying teacher hunched over her desk as she stared at the screen of her laptop. Just one more number and she'd have full house.

"Thank you, Mr. Cook." she said, without looking up, cutting off the speech of the small girl who was currently reading out her work to the class. The girl hung her head and slinked back to her desk. "Mr…Puckerman? Would you care to share your work?" Damn that last number!

Puck strode to the front of the class and ruffled a crumpled piece of paper which was very clearly covered in obscene doodles.  
"What's up, English Language two-twenty-three?" he began "So listen up; I got a story for ya."

For the next sixteen minutes, the class proceeded to be shocked, appalled and generally grossed-out by Puck's creative retelling of Lewis Carroll's classic, Alice's Adventures In Wonderland.

"…And you know that worm was smoking more than just tobacco. But anyway, so Alice goes to the hatter - who's bench-pressing the tea trays at the time - and she's all 'Oh, hatter, you're so strong! Let's forget about that dumb rabbit and get crazy on top of the writing desk!' and the hatter's gonna tell her to take a hike 'cause she's a prissy, little bitch but she also has a super fine ass so he's just gotta give her a test drive!"

At this point, the teacher had rage-quit her bingo and was staring at the mohawked boy as he made vulgar sex noises in a high-pitched girl's voice.

"Thank you, Mr. Puckerman. You may sit down."  
The boy grinned lasciviously and returned to his seat at the back of the room.

"Oh!" Puck exclaimed from the back as another girl was making her way to the front "Ladies! If you liked that, don't forget to check out glee club." he grinned.  
The class just looked disturbed.

_**~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~**_

"Hey, guys." called a girl in a very short skirt. "You were great out there today!"

"Totally great!" her friend, in an equally trampy outfit, replied.

Matt and Mike looked at each other. They'd just gotten off the field after a particularly tough training session.

"Um…yeah. Well…we try, I guess." Mike replied with a cautious grin.

The girls giggled and each put a hand on one of the boys' arms teasingly.  
"We're sure you do. And I bet you'd try really hard at other things too." one girl flirted.

"So…" the other girl started "you guys wanna hang out some time and…y'know…?"

The boys thought for a second and shared a look. It occurred to them both that this could be the perfect opportunity to plug their club.  
Goodness knows why.

"Sorry, girls, but we're swamped with glee club." Mike said, fake-dejectedly "But if you really wanna hang out with us then I'm sure we could figure something out…"

"Like what?"

"Well…do you like to sing?"

Suffice to say, the boys did not get dates.  
Nor did they recruit any new club members.  
Though Matt did get a strange rash where that girl had touched him so it was probably for the best.

_**~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~**_

Winston paddled happily around as Julia followed him incessantly. O'Brien was brooding in the distance and Mr. Charrington was chatting quietly with Syme. Parsons was arguing with his wife again as his children played around them.

Brittany smiled as they all gathered around her when she threw a handful of seed into the water. She watched as Parsons' kids splashed each other in effort to get there first.  
She fought to contain her giggle as his wife was left at the back of the crowd; she was her least favourite.

"Hey, duckies." Brittany greeted them as they tucked into the seed. "I know I haven't been around a lot lately but I have a good excuse. Santana - you remember Santana, right? - anyway, Santana took me out on a date. I know!" she exclaimed as Mr. Charrington quacked "_Finally_, right? But that's why I've been around less often. We're sorting out what we are to each other."  
Another quack.  
"No, not yet." she sighed "I know I want her to be but I don't think she's ready. I don't want to push her because I'm afraid she'll pull away."  
It was Parsons who quacked this time and Brittany laughed.  
"Tell me about it! Anyway, I know that you guys like to sing and dance so I came to ask you something…"

_**~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~**_

Kurt reclined on the bed as he watched Mercedes pace.

"What? Am I not woman enough for the glee club?" she huffed.

Kurt, used to this after the first two hours, replied "Honey, you're woman enough for the entire New York Giants team."

"Damn right I am! Why they gotta mess with my flow? Can't they see that I work better without the drama of new people? I'm an artist!"

"You're an artist." Kurt repeated distractedly, imagining Mercedes bare-knuckle boxing with a team of abnormally large men dressed in baseball uniforms…or was is basketball…?

"I'm a star! A powerhouse!"

"A phenomenon." Kurt added "A straight-up sensation." his eyes had glazed over; the giants had taken off their shirts.

"Yes! So I say to Hell with Ryan Berry and his stupid 'Bring In More Girls' plan and we just watch a movie and eat pizza.

Kurt didn't care how many females were in the glee club. He'd much prefer to have a plan to bring in more cute, eligible boys.

With muscles.  
And tight jeans.  
And no shirt.  
And a sheen of sweat that glistens in the creases between toned abs and…

_Oh_.

So he nodded his head and let his friend pick the movie.  
He hoped it was something with zombies and gore; it felt like a zombie kind of night.

_**~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~**_

Santana was lying on her stomach on her bed with music blasting throughout the room.  
She was filing her nails when one of her favourite songs came on which caused her to fling the nail file across the room and jump on the bed like a maniac, screaming out the chorus.

"_Oh I swear to you  
__I'll be there for you  
__This is not a drive by-y-y-y!_"

"Santana! Keep it down up there!"

Santana sighed.  
"Yes, Mami!" she called back.

She climbed down from the bed and restarted the song at a lower volume.

"_Oh but that one night  
__Was more than just right  
__I didn't leave you  
_'_Cause I was all through  
__Oh I was overwhelmed  
__And, frankly, scared as Hell  
__Because I really fell for you._"

She hummed softly as she hunted for her jettisoned nail file.

"_On the upside of a downward spiral  
__My love for you went viral  
__And I loved you every mile  
__you drove away  
__But now here you are again  
__So let's skip the "how you been"  
__And get down to the "more than friends" at last  
__Oh but that one night  
__Is still the highlight  
__I didn't need you  
__until I came to._"

Her phone buzzed on her desk and she abandoned her search.  
It was a text from Brittany.

"_Oh I swear to you  
__I'll be there for you  
__This is not a drive by-y-y-y!_"

'_Hey, S! You'll nvr gueS wat! I went 2 da duk pond 2day! Dey sed dey cudn't join glee coz dey had 2 migrate or w/e bt I tnk it's jst a covA so dey cn plot 2 tak ovr da wrld. Dey're lk dat bt dn't wori; dey've triD B4 n dey nvr gt vry fr. Nyway, I'm jst checkin in, sAyn hi, u knw. How's it goin w/ u? Ms u!_'

Santana smiled, tapped out a response to her quirky best friend and replayed the song again.

_**~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~**_

"So are we really doing this?" Artie asked dejectedly.

"I g-guess so. I mean…Ryan would b-be pretty pissed if we ignored his orders or w-whatever." Tina sighed "He m-may e-even storm out and we all know h-how annoying that is."

Artie hung his head and wheeled over to where Tina was arranging piles of manuscript paper.

Twenty minutes later, Artie asked Tina what she had come up with so far.

"I-it's not f-finished but…it's a s-start, I guess." she took a deep breath a softly began to sing the lyrics she'd been working on.  
When she had finished, he plastered on a light smile and nodded.

"I, um, I like it," he started "but I'm just not sure that Mr. Schue would be all that ok with us singing a song with the words _'and then I lost control and gouged his eyes out'_ in front of the school. And maybe that bit about the _'crimson love trail dripping onto the clean, white carpet' _is a little dark for a morning assembly."

Tina sighed and nodded.  
"Y-y-yeah, I guess they're not ready f-for that just yet."

Artie stared.  
"No. They're not."

_**~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~**_

Turns out the camera wasn't on the first time they shot it but Finn had triple checked this time.  
He counted down from three on his fingers and signalled for Brittany's cue.

"Hey! I'm Brittany S. Pierce. Yes, I know, I know, please hold your applause for after the announcement."  
She beamed at the camera before adopting a stern expression which looked rather out-of-place on her normally-bubbly face.  
"I'm afraid that I have some very grave news: Due to the effectiveness of our last announcement in which we asked more guys to join, McKinley High's glee club is experiencing a shortage of girls. That's right! We have too many men! We need more ladies to balance out all of those hot, eligible boys or else all their hotness and eligible-ness will go to waste! Please! We need your help! McKinley High's glee club has too many men!"  
She took a breath and smiled lightly.  
"And here to speak to us today is one of those men to tell you why you should all join glee. Finn?"

Finn rushed around the camera's tripod to stand next to Brittany.

"Yeah…hi, Britt." he smiled "Well…glee's all about singin' and dancin' and stuff so if you like junk like that then you should come to glee. Also, if you don't like that stuff but you're a hot girl, you should join anyway 'cause it's super fun and I could, like, show you my muscles and stuff."  
He grinned nervously at the camera.

"Thank you, Finn. So there you have it, women of the world: hot guys, singing and dancing, Finn Hudson's muscles…you'd be crazy _not_ to join!"  
With that, Finn rushed back around the camera to stop the recording.

"That went really well, Britt!" Finn exclaimed excitedly.

"Of course it did," Britt smirked "I'm a natural."

It took three more tries (with the lens cap _off_ this time) to get a "TV-ready" take.

_**~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~**_

"So will you do it?" Ryan asked with his big, pleading eyes.

"I don't think I get what you're asking me to do." Quinn replied from his spot on Ryan's bed.  
They'd been hanging out ever since their talk and had found that they made quite good friends.  
Apart from the fact that Ryan bossed the blonde around like a controlling girlfriend and Quinn would occasionally fly into a jealous rage when he caught glimpses of the singer with Finn.  
It was going well.

"Quinn," the brunette sighed "I want you to use your status in school to boost the reputation of the glee club."

"And how do I do that?"

"You are, for lack of a better term, cool and -"

"I'm _cool_!" Quinn laughed and Ryan frowned.

"Yes, Quinn, you're cool. Do you seriously expect me to believe that you were unaware of this fact?"

Quinn just laughed harder.

"Ryan," he said once he'd caught back his breath "I'm not _cool_."  
Ryan looked as though he were about to protest but Quinn cut him off with a raised hand.  
"I'm mean. I'm smart and ruthless and cold. I'm in all the right groups. I'm _in charge _of all the right groups. I put people down just to make sure that I stay on top. I hurt people. That isn't _cool_. That's being a bully."  
Quinn hung his head in shame and Ryan placed a comforting hand on his shoulder.

"Quinn, you are cool." he said "Sure, I don't agree with the bullying and the hurting people but if I was to ask anyone what made Quinn Fabray cool, they wouldn't even think to list those qualities. They'd say that you have an air of cool indifference. That you always seem in control even when you're just in the background. That you don't take any nonsense from anyone. They'd talk about how you're always kind of a mystery. How you're always reading even when the world is going to Hell around you." Quinn chuckled at this. "How you're captain of the football team even though you really prefer baseball. How you joined the glee club even though it's quite possibly the least cool club in school…and maybe the planet."

"AV club." Quinn interjected.

"Ah yes, well, the second least cool club then. You also dress well and have nice hair." Ryan finished with a beaming smile and Quinn couldn't help but grin back.

"Ok, ok, I give. I'm cool but I don't see how that supposed to help. Everyone already knows that I'm in glee club and it hasn't made a difference. The only way I can think of that it would help is if everyone in the club was cool."

The boys thought for a moment before a wide grin stretched across Ryan's face. Quinn looked at him, confused.

"Quinn," Ryan breathed and Quinn almost blushed "I have the best idea!"

Now Quinn was definitely blushing. He swallowed hard and leaned closer to the grinning boy.  
"What?" he asked with a puff of air.

"You could teach me to be cool!" Ryan exclaimed and jumped from the bed the collect various items from around his room.  
Quinn just sighed and smiled.  
Well, he wasn't going to be getting any for a while. Might as well spend all this spare time making Ryan Berry cool.

* * *

**Song: _Drive By_ - Train**

**AN: Britt's line about TOO MANY MEN! is from that Match dot com advert. Gosh, that was a stupid advert.**


	4. Chapter 4

**AN: I am unreliable.**

******Chapter 4**** - rated T, posted 08.07.12**

* * *

Ryan was confused.  
He could have sworn that he gave everyone in the glee club a task to advertise the club.  
And yet, here he was in the hallway, staring at a blank wall where there should be posters, listening to the everyday hustle and bustle of the school where there should be music and smelling the unpleasant odour of the bulky jock across the corridor when he should be smelling cookies.  
Because cookies never fail to entice people into doing what they don't yet realise they want to do.

He made a mental note to bake Quinn some cookies and strode into the choir room.

"Why are there no posters up?" Ryan asked the assembled club members.

"You _needs_ to stop calling emergency club meetings, Berry. Me and Britts were at Cheerios practice."

"Cheerios practice ended three hours ago." Mercedes stated.

"Whatever, Wheezy, _some_ of us like to keep in shape."

Brittany nodded her head.  
"Yeah! San was helping me work on my stretches."

Puck leered.  
"I bet she was. How many legs can you put behind your neck?"

"Three." Brittany replied and it took the mohawked boy a few seconds to understand.  
He didn't get much of a chance to enjoy the information because Santana punched him in the face.

"Tina, Artie," Ryan carried on with his bitching "why isn't the school filled with the sound of an amazing original composition?"

"W-w-w-w-we…we…c-c-c -"

"We couldn't write the song, Ryan." Artie interrupted the stuttering girl and she nodded.

"Why not? I understand that you may have been under a little pressure and might feel that you could never live up to my enormous talent but that's no excuse for just giving up! Think of the club! Think of the school! Think of the ch -"

"We just couldn't, ok!" Tina shouted. They stared.

"Mike? Matt?" Ryan prompted.

"Ah, well, you see…" Mike started "We were going to use our awesomeness to entice the ladies into the club but Matt here decided that it would be a more productive use of our gifts to flirt with the chick at the videogame store to get some sweet trading cards!" he said excitedly while waving said cards in the air.  
They weren't even Pokémon cards.  
What the Hell is _Ophidian_?

"Mercedes? Kurt?" Ryan sighed.

"Oh _Hell_ no! Don't you even get me started, boy. You don't even _know_ how…"  
Kurt tuned out the rest of the diva's rant. Do zombies fall in love? Is it with other zombies? Humans? Society would never accept them! How romantic! The ultimate Romeo and Juliet!

"Puck?"

"Oh yeah. The ladies were diggin' it." he smirked "All. Night. Lo -"

"Brittany? Santana?"

Santana's reply was a simple 'Didn't wanna.' while Brittany proceeded to recount the tale of her epic adventure to the bemused club.

"…but I think there's something going on between O'Brien and Syme. Anyway, they said no but then Finn had a super idea and we did that and then I went back to the park but it was dark and the guy who lives on the bench gave me a dollar to buy us both popcorn but they don't sell popcorn in the park so I had to walk four blocks and -"

"Hey, where is Finn anyway?" Mercedes asked.  
The others looked around as if they expected to find him in the room.  
They looked to Brittany who shrugged.

"Ok, I think that's enough for this morning. I expect everyone to have -"  
Ryan was cut off by a chorus of loud "Yeah, whatever, Berry"s and "Later, dude"s.  
Quinn stood and laughed at Ryan's expression as he escorted him out of the room and in the direction of their class.

_**~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~**_

Quinn was spending too much time around Ryan, he decided.  
He was starting to think that he'd picked up the boy's alleged 'psychic' abilities.  
He just couldn't shake the bad vibe he'd been feeling all day.  
Like something big was going to happen.  
Something that would mess up everything.

It didn't really hit him until he was sat in the auditorium with the glee club as Mr. Schuester babbled from the stage.  
A loud bang interrupted the teacher's weird nostalgia rant and two figures stood in the doorway.  
One strode into the room as the other trailed behind.

"Jessie St. James." the figure announced "It's your pleasure to make my acquaintance."

"Hot." both Puck and Brittany mumbled.

"This is Sam." Jessie introduced the blonde "We're joining this club."

Sam smiled lightly and waved.

"That's awesome, guys!" Schue shouted "Welcome aboard! Now if you could just -"

"I will be claiming the title of leading lady as my talent and drive simply cannot be topped. I assume there are no objections…?"

"_Hell_ no! Who does this bitch think she is! Strolling on in here and -"  
Kurt placed a hand on the diva's arm.  
He'd so make a much better leading lady than either of these…_girls_.

And then the magical band started up and happened to play the exact song that Jessie wanted.  
She strutted across the stage, smirking at her audience.

"_What's the time?  
__Well it's gotta be close to midnight  
__My body's talking to me  
__It say, 'Time for danger'_

_It says 'I wanna commit a crime  
__Wanna be the cause of a fight  
__Wanna put on a tight skirt and flirt  
__With a stranger'_"

She winked at Puck, whose head fell off the back of his seat as he groaned.

"_I've had a knack from way back  
__At breaking the rules once I learn the game  
__Get-up life's too quick  
__I know someplace sick  
__Where this chick'll dance it the flames_

_We don't need any money  
__I always get in for free  
__You can get in too  
__If you get in with me_

_Let's go out tonight  
__I have to go out tonight_

_You wanna play?  
__Let's run away  
__We wont be back  
__Before it's New Years Day  
__Take me out tonight_"

She directed her next teasing flirt at Quinn, who just raised an eyebrow.

"_Meow_"

She jumped down from the stage and ran her fingers over the buttons of his shirt while grinning salaciously before stalking off to one of the other boys.

"_When I get a wink from the doorman  
__Do you know how lucky you'll be?  
__That your on line with the feline of  
__Avenue B_

_Let's go out tonight  
__I have to go out tonight_

_You wanna prowl  
__Be my night owl?  
__Well take my hand we're gonna_"

She took Mike's hand for a moment before belting out the next line.

"_Howl  
__Out tonight_"

Here, she sat in Matt's lap and sung softly to him as he glanced at Mike, who just gave the flustered boy a thumbs up and a grin.

"_In the evening I've got to roam  
__Can't sleep in the city of neon and chrome  
__Feels to damn much like home  
__When the Spanish babies cry_"

She made her way back onto the stage.

"_So let's find a bar  
__So dark we forget who we are  
__And all the scars from the  
__Nevers and maybes die_

_Let's go out tonight  
__Have to go out tonight_

_You're sweet  
__Wanna hit the street?  
__Wanna wail at the moon like a cat in heat?  
__Just take me out tonight_

_Please take me  
__Out tonight  
__Don't forsake me - out tonight  
__I'll let you make me - out tonight  
__Tonight - tonight - tonight_"

She dropped her head as the song came to a close.  
The auditorium was silent for a few seconds before Mr. Schuester erupted into loud applause.

"Fantastic! Of course you're in! Both of you!" he beamed.  
No-one bothered to mention that Sam hadn't sung at all.  
Clearly, it wasn't all that essential.

"Now who is your lead male?" Jessie demanded.

Puck stood from his seat and dragged his eyes over her body.  
"At your service. And I mean _service_." he waggled his eyebrows.  
She scoffed and brushed him off, leaving him to slink back to his chair where Mercedes laughed at him.

Ryan climbed onto the stage and the two eyed each other for a long while before Jessie seemed satisfied and the band started up again.  
The psychic band.  
Hey! Maybe Quinn should join!

Jessie started.

"_You are sunlight and I moon  
__Joined by the gods of fortune  
__Midnight and high noon  
__Sharing the sky  
__We have been blessed, you and I_"

Then Ryan sang.

"_You are here like a mystery  
__I'm from a world that's so different  
__From all that you are  
__How in the light of one night  
__Did we come so far?_"

And then everyone tuned them out.  
Except for Quinn.  
He was staring with narrowed eyes at the couple on stage proclaiming their love for each other.

"_And we meet in the sky!_"

And then Quinn tuned out too.  
Musicals are stupid.  
Why couldn't they just do a pop song or something?

Jessie and Ryan were locked in an epic stare-down.  
The music had stopped at some point.  
Quinn had been too busy glaring to notice.

Suddenly, Jessie nodded.  
Ryan nodded back.  
They exchanged phones in silence before the confused glee club.

A sigh.  
Quinn turned to see the blonde girl, Sam, sitting beside him.  
"She's always like this." the girl commented.

"Like what?" Quinn asked, confused.

"Crazy." Sam smiled "At least she found her leading man quickly this time. Last time was a mess."

Quinn raised a questioning eyebrow.

"She's obsessed with Broadway."  
Sounds like someone Quinn knows."She insists that she needs a leading man to star alongside her in the epic romance that is her life."

"…Epic…romance?" Quinn almost whimpered.

"Hmm," Sam replied "they'll be dating before the end of the day. Singing impromptu musical numbers by last bell."

…Dating?  
…musical numbers?  
Quinn was silent.

"She's persistent. It's better to just leave her be and wait for her to decide there's not enough drama and find something more…Broadway." Sam explained.

Meanwhile, Mr. Schuester was giving out another stupid assignment. Sam asked if Quinn would be her partner.  
Seeing Ryan and Jessie furiously discussing song choices across the room, Quinn agreed.  
Why not? Sam seemed nice.

_**~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~**_

"Quiiiiinnn!" Ryan whined as he tugged on the blonde boy's sleeve.

"Ryyyyaaaannn!" Quinn laughingly replied.

"You promised!" the singer pouted.

"I did no such thing!"

"But…I -"

"Relax, Berry, I'll help you." Quinn sighed and stood before the boy. "If it's even possible."

Ryan swatted at Quinn's arm as the blonde laughed.  
Quinn stood back and studied the boy before wandering over to his cupboards and digging around in the clothes.  
He returned with a hefty pile which he dumped onto his bed beside Ryan and pulled him to his feet.

"Take this off." he demanded, gesturing to the singer's jumper, making him blush.

He hadn't expected the brunette to show up at his door that evening with a batch of cookies and a beaming smile.  
He thought Ryan would be spending time with that Broadway bitch, singing about their inevitable, amazing love.  
But Ryan had waltzed up to his room and demanded that Quinn follow through with his promise to make him "cool".

"What's wrong with my sweater?" Ryan asked.

"Ryan," Quinn sighed "as much as I enjoy your…quirky sense of style," and, gosh, did Quinn enjoy that stupid jumper "you asked me to make you cool. As in 'socially acceptable'. So take off the sweater. And the shirt. And - you know what? Just take it all off."

"What?" Ryan squeaked.

"We have to start from the base up, Ryan. You can't build a house without a solid foundation. What kind of underwear do you wear?"

"You -" Ryan almost said that Quinn knows what kind of underwear he wears because he'd had his hand in there not four weeks ago.  
But they weren't talking about that.  
_No_. They _couldn't_. Because Quinn had some kind of phobia of just fucking talking about what he wanted instead of expecting people to give it to him.  
_Fuck_! It was so fucking frustrating!  
But Ryan smiled and said "I think you have a lot to teach me, master." which made Quinn laugh and turn a funny colour.

Before Quinn could get started on Ryan's coolness makeover, Ryan jumped to his feet.  
"Quinn! I have the perfect song for this!"

"We don't need a song, Ryan."  
Ryan looked appalled at the suggestion and bounced over to Quinn's laptop.

When the opening lines played, Quinn burst into laughter.  
"Berry!" he gasped "You can't possibly be serious!"

Ryan looked at him as if to say 'fucking _try_ me, blondie' and grabbed the boy's hand.

"Jump in any time, Fabray." Ryan smirked and Quinn shivered slightly.

"But this song is for a -"

"_And even in your case,  
though it's the toughest case I've yet to face,  
don't worry, I'm determined to succeed!_"

Ryan sang in a high-pitched voice.

"_Follow my lead,  
and yes indeed, you will be…_"

He gestured to Quinn, who sighed out a chuckle and sang along in his normal, deeper voice.

"_POPULAR! You're gonna be popular!  
I'll teach you the proper ploys,  
when you talk to boys,_"

Both flushed slightly but continued. Ryan now used his normal singing voice to harmonise with Quinn.

"_little ways to flirt and flounce, ooh!  
I'll show you what shoes to wear!  
How to fix your hair!  
Everything that really counts to be... _

_POPULAR! I'll help you be popular!  
You'll hang with the right cohorts,  
you'll be good at sports,  
know the slang you've got to know.  
__So let's start,  
'cause you've got an awfully long way to go! _

_Don't be offended by my frank analysis,  
think of it as personality dialysis,  
now that I've chosen to become a  
pal, a sister and advisor,  
there's nobody wiser!  
Not when it comes to... _

_POPULAR! I know about popular.  
And with an assist from me,  
to be who you'll be,  
instead of dreary who you were...uh, are.  
There's nothing that can stop you,  
from becoming popular... lar…_"

Quinn laughed as Ryan sang the next part in his high, girl voice.

"_La la, la la!  
We're gonna make you pop-u-lar!_"

Quinn joined back in after pulling Ryan's jumper off him.

"_When I see depressing creatures,  
with unprepossessing features,  
I remind them on their own behalf  
to - think - of  
celebrated heads of state,  
or specially great communicators!  
Did they have brains or knowledge?  
Don't make me laugh! _

_They were POPULAR!  
__Please! It's all about popular.  
It's not about aptitude,  
it's the way you're viewed,  
so it's very shrewd to be,  
very, very popular like ME!_"

Quinn had managed to remove Ryan's shirt while he was dancing around and he was completely topless when Quinn spoke the next line to him.

"_Why, Miss Elphaba, look at you. You're beautiful!_"

"_I, I have to go…_" Ryan replied.

They stopped singing and listened to the track play in the background as they stood, toe-to-toe, breathing each other's air.

"_You're welcome…_  
_And though you protest,  
your disinterest,  
I know clandestinely,  
you're gonna grin and bear it!  
You're new found popularity!  
Ah!  
La la, la la!  
You'll be popular!  
Just not quite as popular as ME!_"

Fuck! Kiss him!  
He's right there!  
Kiss him! Kiss him! Kisshimkisshimkisshim!  
NOW!

"Try this shirt on."

COWARD!

Ryan frowned for a second.  
"Didn't you just say that we had to start from the beginning?"

"Um…yeah…uh…just…you can…"

Ryan shrugged and put on the shirt, covering his gorgeously toned torso from Quinn as the blonde punched himself in the face inside his head.

Eventually, they managed to get Ryan looking rather dashing in Quinn's clothes after a few near-disasters involving Ryan without trousers, Quinn discovering what kind of underwear Ryan wore, Quinn having flashbacks to the last time he saw said underwear and Ryan almost calling Quinn out on his very obvious erection.

But, all-in-all, it went well and when Ryan left later that evening, Quinn fond himself feeling oddly content despite all of the drama that seemed to follow him around.

He went to sleep with a smile on his face.  
And a hand in his pants because, really, you have no idea how tight that underwear was.

_**~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~**_

"Ok, kid, let's see it." the gruff man sighed.

"Thanks, mister!" Finn grinned and passed the tape over.

Six minutes later, Finn found himself standing outside the television studio, tape in hand, waiting for his mother to come and get him.

Maybe it was to high-brow for them, he thought. After all, they are just a local news station.  
He had to remember to google directions to Hollywood. They'd love it for sure!  
Maybe they'd even make a feature film out of it or something!

_**~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~**_

"Hey, San," Brittany whispered when she'd finished doodling a rainbow on her Spanish test "does the new girl kinda remind you of Rachel?"

The Latina turned to look at her.  
"Who's Rachel?" she asked.

"Wait," the blonde answered "which universe is this?"

Santana didn't have an answer.

_**~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~**_

"We should date." Jessie stated as they sat in the choir room, arranging music.

Ryan looked up from his papers.  
"Jessie, as much as I find you to be the perfect leading woman, I'm afraid I must decline on the grounds that -"

"It doesn't have to be real." she interrupted easily "I've seen how the school sees this club. We could change that. With my talent, drive and all-around brilliance and your talent, drive and new-found fashion sense," she gestured to his borrowed 'cool' outfit "we could become the new power couple. We could rule this school. Then the glee club would become successful and we'd win hearts along with trophies."

Ryan thought for a long while before agreeing to her plan.  
He just had to find Quinn and explain it to him.  
He didn't want to jeopardise their…whatever they had going on.

_**~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~**_

"…and then you just rub until she stops you. But I don't need to tell you that, Q, you know all about pleasing the ladies. Am I right?" Puck waggled his eyebrows disgustingly.

"Um…that's not what I asked you, Puck." Quinn replied, queasy.

"Yeah but it's what you meant, right?"

No, it wasn't. He's only asked how to tell someone you like them but the boy had taken that to mean 'How do you get a girl to let you sleep with her, then convince her to let you do terrible, sickening things to her and then make her enjoy it'.

Quinn just walked away.

_**~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~**_

"Have you seen Quinn?"

"Shove it, Berry, I'm trying to gets my mack on."

"Be nice, San."

"Don't talk, Britt, it ruins the thing you've got going with your tongue."

_**~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~**_

"…but he decided that he was - and I quote - 'Too straight for that'. Can you believe it! Now I'm a strong believer that anyone can be a little bit gay with the right amount of persuasion and alcohol but he was definitely not just a part-time fairy! That boy was full-on, hard-core, glitter-coated and bedazzled, capital G Ga -"

"Kurt! Please! This really isn't helping!" Quinn pleaded.

"Oh, yes, well…what was your question again?"

Quinn sighed.  
"Never mind. It doesn't matter."

"Oh, ok then. See you later, Quinn." the boy chirped.

When the blonde was out of sight, Kurt smirked.  
So…Quinn, huh?  
Maybe show choir really does make you gay.

_**~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~**_

"Carry my books." Jessie instructed Ryan, who nodded and took said books.  
"Now kiss me."

"What? No! I -"

"On the cheek."

"Oh! Right." he said and placed a light kiss on the girl's cheek before escorting her to her class.

But we all know how this goes, right?  
Quinn was watching.  
Of course he was!  
It wouldn't be drama if he wasn't.  
And - you guessed it - he freaked the fuck out.

Bloody typical.

* * *

**Songs: _Out Tonight_ - RENT, _Sun and Moon_ - Miss Saigon, _Popular_ - Wicked.**

**AN: Jessie and Sam are girls. Just in case I didn't make that clear. I just thought 'why not?' y'know?  
Also, this editor thingy cut out some of my words. Like, mid-sentence. Please point out any parts that don't make sense fo I can fix them.**


	5. Chapter 5 or lack thereof

**AN: INTERRRROOOOBAAANG!**

* * *

So Santana was working on some filthy fanfiction as she often found herself doing when she needed something to amuse herself.

It was about some random characters she cared nothing about from a show she only watched twice but that was irrelevant.

The point is…well, the point is the porn.

Anyway, she'd just finished her newest crappy filth-fest when she decided to look over some of her old stuff.

"…_stuck her tongue so freakin' deep that the bitch had no option but to…"_

Freakin' nice.

And then she noticed the typos.

She was sure she'd checked thoroughly.

And then the missing punctuation.

"Where the fuck are my interrobangs?" she wondered.

She'd definitely put them in her word document but they didn't appear in the posted story.

So she decided to conduct an experiment.

She typed a bunch of random phrases which had nothing to do with the story, and uploaded them to the website's editor.

"The quick, brown fox jumped over the lazy dog."

"The quick, brown fox jumped over the lazy dog?"

"The quick, brown fox jumped over the lazy dog!"

There!

She definitely put an exclamation mark _and_ a question mark but only one came out!

"What the fuck is going on here (Exclamation mark) (Question mark)"

And so, Santana considered posting an apology to her readers for her seemingly poor grammar and punctuation skills.

But then she remembered that she was writing porn and no-one would care about exclaimed questions even if the messed-up punctuation totally ruined the flow of the story and made no sense.

And then she wrote something about how a gorgeous blonde with shiny, blue eyes went down on some Latina chick.

* * *

**AN: Multiple punctuations. **

**Fuckin' serious.**


	6. Chapter 6

**AN: It's been a while. I'm not even all that sorry.**

******Chapter 6**** - rated T, posted 20.09.12**

* * *

Bus timetables are hard.  
Finn had learned this.  
He only wanted to go to Hollywood to get his advert into the movies.

After a lot of hard work, he found himself stepping off a bus and onto the warm pavement of Hollywood.  
He was outside what looked like a television studio.  
How exactly does one go about entering a television studio?

_**~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~**_

Ryan was looking for Quinn.  
He had to explain the Jessie situation before the blonde got the wrong end of the stick.

With a massive blush at his own thoughts, Ryan made his way to Quinn's locker in hopes of finding the elusive football player.  
What he found was a blur of blonde hair as the boy stormed in the opposite direction.

Huh.

_**~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~**_

"What in Sue Sylvester's name are you doing here, Stretch?"

"Um…coach Sylvester? What are you doing here?" Finn asked, surprised.

"This is where I do Sue's Corner. But of course you know that."

"You work for Hollywood?"

"Are you kidding me? Hollywood works for me!"

"That's great! You can help me with my ad!"

"And why, for the love of one Sue Sylvester, would I deign to help the likes of you?"

"Um…I don't know what you just said but if you could get them to show my ad on T.V, that'd be awesome." Finn grinned his lopsided grin.

Sue sighed.  
"Ok, Jolly Green - and I say this because it is my duty as the Great Sue Sylvester to help those who are way, way, _way_ beneath me - let's take a look."

_**~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~**_

Quinn decided that he hated the world and everything in it.  
He especially hated people.  
He _especially_, especially hated a few people in particular.  
Namely Ryan and Jessie. Finn too but no-one had seen him in a while.

A freshman wandered past and he decided that he hated him too so he emptied the contents of his slushy cup over the poor boy.

_**~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~**_

Ryan was out of breath. He'd been chasing Quinn around all day to no avail.

"Hey, boyfriend, care to explain where you were at lunch?" Jessie asked with an expectant stare.

"Oh! Hello, Jessie. I'm sorry that I couldn't meet you but I had some rather important business to which I needed to attend. I actually still need to. I don't suppose you've seen Quinn around, by any chance?"

Jessie just looked at him for a moment before raising and eyebrow.  
"So you've been ditching me for a guy? While I must say that I'm not entirely surprised seeing as you are very into Broadway, I am a little disappointed. I should have guessed, really. No straight man dresses himself that well though that is a recent development…"

"I haven't been ditching you, I just need to find Quinn. I have to make sure he knows something. Actually, he was the one who dressed me this way. I asked him to make me look cool. For the benefit of the club, of course. We thought that if everyone in the club was cool, more people would want to join and we could have proper auditions instead of the 'anyone-who-shows-up' mentality we currently have."

"Why didn't you say so!?" Jessie exclaimed "I happen to be a marvellously talented costume designer as well as my numerous other talents. It comes from my many years of acting in community theatre productions where they simply don't have the skill needed to make me shine so I am forced to do everything myself. That reminds me, you really must see my one-woman show."

Ryan was unable to do anything but nod before he was dragged away by a determined Jessie, rambling about talent and beauty and that hair-and-makeup bitch who's tyres she slashed.

_**~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~**_

Quinn was still pissed.  
He stalked into school, ignoring the scores of frightened students who fled from his hard glare.  
And then he saw Ryan.  
That bastard was standing by Jessie's locker while the girl fussed over what looked to be a new outfit.  
Oh. So not even Quinn's clothes were good enough for the prick, huh?

Quinn watched as Jessie gestured to her cheek, which Ryan promptly kissed, and sashayed off down the hallway.  
Ryan turned and caught sight of Quinn.

For a second, time stood still for the blonde.  
He looked at Ryan who was about to run after him and was consumed by what he could only describe as lustful rage.  
He turned and stormed back to his car.  
Fuck school.

_**~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~**_

"Quinn! Wait!" Ryan called to no-one. "Damn it."

"Hey, Berry, looking fine." a cheerleader giggled as a group of them walked past.

Ryan didn't have it in him to blush. He didn't care what they thought of his new look.  
At least maybe his plan was starting to work. More girls in glee club. That's what he wanted, right?

_**~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~**_

"That fucking…bastard…fucking clothes…fucking cool…fucking sexy…fuck…" Quinn muttered to himself as he slammed his bedroom door.  
He picked up his phone and dialled.

"Quinn? What the Hell do you want? Aren't you in school?" came the irritated voice of Santana.

"San, I need your help. Bring Britt."

"The fuck, Fabray? Where -"

"My house."

"Wh -" but Quinn had already hung up.  
Santana sighed and nudged Brittany's head off her shoulder before standing and pulling the blonde up with her.  
"We gotta go watch Q have another nervous breakdown."  
Brittany just nodded.

_**~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~**_

"So what did you need us for, Q?" Santana asked as she watched the boy pace angrily.

"I need you to make me hot." he replied.  
Santana was about to ask what the fuck he was on about but was beaten by Brittany's excited jumping before she grabbed his hand and pulled him out the door.

She followed them to her car and sat in the back as Brittany drove them to an unknown location.

Ten minutes later, she found herself being dragged into the mall and straight into a clothing store.  
Brittany turned to her and gestured to Quinn and the clothes.  
"Go." she said and Santana sprang into action.

A further ten minutes found the girls sitting outside the changing rooms waiting for Quinn to come out.  
"Fabray! Get your ass out here right now or I'll drag you out by your pretty, blonde hair!"

"Um…just a sec."

"San, is a sec, like, the singular version of sex?"

"No, Britt, that would be a w -"

"Ok, I'm out. How do I look?" Quinn asked nervously as he stood before the cheerleaders in super-tight trousers and a ripped t-shirt.

Brittany mumbled something that sounded suspiciously like 'fucklicious' and Santana stalked around the boy, eyeing him appraisingly.

"Hot. You're seriously rockin' the badboy look, Q."

Quinn looked at himself in the mirror and had to agree.  
Take that, Ryan.

"Ok, now it's my turn!" Brittany clapped her hands and dragged Quinn to pay for his new look before leading them all out of the shop.

_**~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~**_

"What in Sue Sylvester's name was that, Man-child!?"

"Um…an ad for glee?" Finn answered confusedly.

"No, Lurch, that was a steaming pile of fresh disgrace! You call that an ad!? Where was the oomph? The pizzazz? The Sue Sylvester!?"

"…Uh…"

"Forget it, Teen Flump. Luckily, you have the amazing Sue Sylvester on your side and she has decided to help you by making the greatest ad ever."

"Really? Thanks, coach!"

"Shut up, Quasimodo."

_**~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~**_

"Err…guys? I don't know about this…"

"Quit your yammering, Q, we gots to make you smexy and we can't do that if you don't let us work our fairy godmother magic."

Quinn was sat in front of the sink in Brittany's bathroom with a towel around his neck.  
His hair was covered in slime that the girls assured him would make him look irresistible.

"Ok, time's up. Wash it out, Britt." Santana instructed the excited girl.

The slime was washed out and his hair was dried and styled.  
Santana sat with an unreadable expression on her face and Brittany beamed from ear to ear as Quinn looked at himself in the mirror.

"It's pink." he stated.

"I know! Isn't it great!? The unicorns will be so happy!"

Quinn said nothing as he looked to Santana for her opinion.  
She observed silently for a moment before reaching up and ruffling his pink hair slightly.  
Then she smirked.  
"You're fuckin' hot, Q."

"Totally!" Brittany agreed.

Quinn scrutinised his reflection a bit more before smirking as well.  
Resist me now, Berry, he thought.

_**~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~**_

It took him three days but Ryan was finally able to catch Quinn.  
Too bad he forgot why he was looking for him as soon as he laid eyes on the pink-haired punk version of the boy.

As he stared at the former blonde, Ryan's thoughts went a little bit like this:

…Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu uuuuuuu…

Seeing the effect he had on the shorter boy and psychically reading his thoughts because he could do that now, he smiled and waltzed away.

Take that, stupid, sexy, Berry.

_**~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~**_

"Hey, Quinn." Sam greeted as he sat next to her in the choir room.  
He smiled and nodded back.  
"I like your new look. Very daring." she smiled. "Kinda reminds me of Pixie from X-men."  
Quinn laughed at this.

"You can't see my wings through my shirt, can you?"  
Sam looked very closely at Quinn's back before smiling and shaking her head.

"Ok, maybe you're not like Pixie. Maybe a bit more like Marluxia without the scythe or Shuichi. Oh! You could totally be Shuichi but more butch!"

"Um…Shuichi?"

"From Gravitation." Sam explained but Quinn still looked blank so she left it. "Natsu form Fairy Tail! Oh! We could get you a massive sword and you could be Flay Gunnar!"

"Sam! I've never hea- Wait, are these anime characters?"

Sam blushed and murmured "Not all of them."

Quinn laughed again and the two made plans to hang out at Sam's house after school so Quinn could learn about anime.

From the back of the room, Ryan looked on at the pair's interaction with narrowed eyes.  
What the heck was Quinn playing at?

_**~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~**_

"Fffampama?" said the mass of blonde hair on the pillow of Santana's bed.

"Hmm?" she replied from her own pillow.

"Haboo eba ooippen u pam pipshum?"

Santana raised her head and thought for a second.  
"What?"

Brittany rolled onto her back so her face wasn't shoved into the pillow anymore and repeated her question.  
"Have you ever written a fan fiction?"

"No, I haven't. Why?" the Latina replied.

"No reason." Brittany shrugged.  
She was seeing other realities again.

_**~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~**_

Quinn was laughing hard.  
Sam was swatting at his arm in an attempt to get him to stop.  
It didn't work.

"How can you watch this?" Quinn chuckled "It's ridiculous."

"Is not!"

"The plot ranges from awful to non-existent, the characters and one-dimensional and unlikable, everyone keeps bursting into song at the most inopportune times…need I go on?"

"Ok, ok, you've made your point, we'll stop watching." Sam huffed.  
They'd stopped watching anime when Quinn pointed out that eyes should not be that big and humans shouldn't have cat ears unless it's relevant to the plot.  
Now they were watching some stupid musical drama thing. Or they were until Quinn complained.

"We're not having much luck with the TV," Quinn stated "what do you want to do instead?"

Sam thought about it and decided that she was going to take a chance and act on some feelings she'd been having.

"Well…we could go to my room if you want…?" she smiled shyly.

Quinn thought about it.  
Sam was a pretty girl with a super fine body. She was nice and funny and she liked comic books and graphic novels (which are "_not _the same, Quinn!" as she had told him) and she watched terrible TV and was into anime and gaming.  
Quinn decided that Sam would make an awesome girlfriend.  
And that's mostly why he said what he said next.

"Sam," Quinn started with a small smile "you just might be the most awesome girl I've ever met and being with you would no doubt be amazing but I can't."  
Sam's smile dimmed slightly but she nodded.  
"I have a bit of a reputation for being a lady killer but I don't tend to treat girls very well. I've never really been in a relationship that lasted longer than an orgasm and I like you too much to do that to you. I'd prefer it if we just stuck to being friends, if you don't mind. I need you to teach me the difference between manga and gekiga."

Sam chuckled lightly and nodded again.  
"I had to try." she smiled.

"I'm flattered that you did. But seriously, what's the difference between manga and gekiga?"

Sam just laughed again and led Quinn to her computer to learn about some very important facts of life.

_**~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~**_

He's regressed, Ryan thought as he watched the pink-haired boy laugh with the blonde at the other end of the corridor.  
And after all the progress they'd made!

He couldn't let this happen.

Quinn was confused.  
He was sure he hadn't meant to go into the bathroom but there he was, up against the cold, tiled wall.  
So that was what it felt like.

"How could you do that to Sam!?" Ryan demanded harshly, pressing Quinn against the wall.

"Do what?" Quinn asked, genuinely confused.

"How could you use her like that!? Haven't you done enough using for one lifetime?"

Quinn was sure that he could feel his blood boiling.  
He didn't need to be psychic to know what was going to happen next.

"I'm not using anyone! Who the fuck do you think you are that you can just accuse me like that without knowing the whole story!? What gives you the right to judge me for what I choose to do? Even if I was using Sam - which I'm _not_ - who are you to tell me off?"

"You're not using her?" Ryan asked in a quieter tone of voice.

"No! I'd never do that! She's my friend and I care about her and, yes, she may have expressed interest but I could never led her on because I care about her! I know I have the second shittiest record in school for this kind of thing but I do have a soul and I care about my friends."

"So…you aren't with Sam?"

"No! For fuck's sake, get that through your head! Why do you even care anyway? You're have that whole inevitable Broadway romance with your female double which, by the way, is disgusting! It's like you're dating yourself."

"Jessie is not my female double! What about you and Sam? You're basically the same person! I'm surprised you aren't dating given the level of narcissism you display!"

"Fuck you!" Quinn bellowed.

"Exactly. There's no doubt that you would indeed fuck yourself if given the opportunity which is why Sam is perfect for you. You should go for it." Ryan spat angrily.

"Sam and I are just friends! Sam and I will always be just friends because I can't be with anyone else!"

"…What?"

But Quinn had already stormed out of the bathroom, leaving Ryan confused and breathing heavily.  
Anyone else? What did he mean by that?

_**~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~**_

"Hey, Ryan." a girl called.

"How's it going, dude?" a jock asked.

"Berry! Looking fly!" some guy complimented.

"Hey, boyfriend." Jessie smiled as Ryan sat next to her at the lunch table. He just nodded tiredly in response.

"What's wrong?" she asked, rubbing his arm soothingly.

Ryan shook his head.  
"Just Quinn stuff."

Jessie nodded. She didn't really care about Quinn. She did care about how cool Ryan had become and how hot he looked in his new outfit.  
"Have you noticed how popular you are now?" she asked.  
Ryan just shrugged.  
"Come over tonight?"  
Ryan shrugged again.

_**~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~**_

"I was thinking that since we have so much in common, like out immense talent, that maybe we should try this for real." Jessie said as they sat on her bed.

Ryan looked at her, confused.  
"I mean that instead of pretending that we're dating, we should actually date."

"Oh…" Ryan replied.

"You're cool now; the perfect leading man. I'm the perfect leading woman. We'd be the perfect Broadway couple."

It was then that Ryan realised that his perfect leading woman had pink hair, muscles and a slightly stubbly chin.  
When he put it that way, it sounded kinda creepy.

"While I appreciate the offer, Jessie, I'm afraid I'll have to decline on the grounds that we're just too similar. It'd never work. I'm stubborn and headstrong and so are you. Our arguments would never end. We'd end up plotting each other's dramatic demises only to find out that we'd each hired the same contract killer or used the same poison in the soufflé."

"Poisoned soufflé; very dramatic."

"Yes, I know. But anyway, Jessie, I just don't think we'd work out for real. Do you think that we could still be friends?"

Jessie smiled and lead Ryan to the door.  
"Sure, baby, but remember," she smirked, running her finger down the boy's chest "if you ever change your mind, you know where to find me."

And then she shut the door.

_**~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~**_

Quinn was still angry.  
No, angry wasn't quite the right word.  
More like heartbroken.  
How could Ryan say something like that? Didn't he know him at all?  
And then Quinn got all weepy and stared out of his bedroom window, imagining Ryan turning up at his house to serenade him.

Ryan was upset.  
He wanted to be with Quinn but he didn't know if he could take much more pain.  
If only they could just sit down and talk about it without anger or fake girlfriends or stupid songs.  
He looked out of his window and imagined seeing Quinn pull up on a motorcycle outside his house with a guitar and a shy smile.

Jessie was gutted.  
Ryan had become damn fine since she worked her Broadway voodoo and made him all sexy.  
He was a leading man. _Her_ leading man.  
They should be together.  
Oh well, she thought as she stood on the empty stage of the school she'd broken into at night, seems like the perfect time for a song.

Quinn's spidey senses tingled as he felt the psychic band start up for one of those weird 'are-they-really-singing-or-is-it-a-dream-sequence' performances.  
Those guys must get paid fantastic overtime.  
He shrugged and let himself drift into the song he wasn't sure was actually being sung.

The psychic piano came in first.  
Jessie took a deep breath and channelled her emotions. That's what performers do.

"_There's a fine, fine line between a lover and a friend;  
There's a fine, fine line between reality and pretend;  
And you never know 'til you reach the top if it was worth the uphill climb._

_There's a fine, fine line between love  
And a waste of time._"

Quinn and Ryan softly sung along to the psychic song from their respective bedrooms.

"_There's a fine, fine line between a fairy tale and a lie;  
And there's a fine, fine line between 'You're wonderful' and 'Goodbye'.  
I guess if someone doesn't love you back it isn't such a crime,_

_But there's a fine, fine line between love  
And a waste of your time._"

Jessie belted out the next part. She enjoyed belting out songs.

"_And I don't have the time to waste on you anymore.  
I don't think that you even know what you're looking for.  
For my own sanity, I've got to close the door  
And walk away...  
Oh..._"

Ryan and Quinn both joined back in with the next part.

"_There's a fine, fine line between together and not;  
And there's a fine, fine line between what you wanted and what you got.  
You gotta go after the things you want while you're still in your prime...  
_

_There's a fine, fine line between love  
And a waste of time._"

Well, Quinn thought through tears, that settles it: I have to join the psychic band.

* * *

**Songs: _Fine, Fine Line - _Avenue Q.**

**AN: I hate this editor. It keeps stealing my words.  
**

**On the bright side, they added interrobangs. To the guest reviewer, yes, WTF indeed.  
**


	7. Chapter 7

**AN: Quinn sings country. They live in Ohio, right? Why isn't there more country?**

**Or did I get my geography wrong again?  
**

**********Chapter 7**** - rated T, posted 07.10.12**

* * *

As Quinn had said before, he was in all the right clubs.  
He was _in charge _of all the right clubs.  
So why had he not known about the band?  
He was musical. It seemed like the kind of thing he'd be into. He would definitely have joined had he known of its existence.  
But he hadn't. So he didn't.  
No matter. He'd just track them down and demand to be let in.

_**~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~**_

It wasn't going well.  
Quinn had searched absolutely everywhere for that damn psychic band and couldn't find a trace.  
Maybe they saw him coming and hid!  
No. That was preposterous. They couldn't really be psychic…  
Could they?

_**~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~**_

"Mr. Fabray, I assure you that no such club exists. This school hasn't had funding for musical groups for years."

"Mr. Figgins, with all due respect, they do exist; I've heard them. Could you please check again?"

"There is not, nor has there ever been, a band, orchestra or any type of musical ensemble at WMHS. Perhaps you should see Ms. Pillsbury about hearing things."

_**~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~**_

"Hi, Quinn, how can I help you?"

"I want to join the band."

"Um…that's great, Quinn, which band are you talking about?"

"The psychic one."

"…Are you feeling ok?"

"I mean the one that plays when the glee club sings. They always know what songs to play and they always play perfectly with what seems like zero rehearsals. I want to be in that band."

"That's great, Quinn. It's good that you've found something that you enjoy and it's even better that it's music!"

"So can you help me, Mr. Schue?"

"No, sorry. I could ask around but I really have no idea who plays the background music."

"How can you not know? Don't you give them the set lists? Don't they practice in the auditorium? Haven't you ever seen them?"

"…Now that you mention it, I don't think I actually have ever seen them. I guess I'm always just so focussed on whoever's performing that I never think to find out who's in the pit."

"…Thanks anyway, Mr. Schue."

"Any time, Quinn!"

_**~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~**_

Ok.  
Psychic band.  
Knows the songs before they're sung.  
Plays when someone sings.

So Quinn would just have to sing.  
Lure them out with a song! It's perfect!

_**~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~**_

So maybe randomly bursting into song in the middle of the crowded hallway wasn't the greatest idea in history.  
That's probably why it didn't work.  
Also, the fact that he sang Relax again probably didn't work in his favour.

That stupid song.

But anyway, he retreated to the auditorium with a more appropriate song in mind this time.  
He stood on the stage, facing the empty audience, and imagined the introduction in his head before singing.

"_Why'd you call me today with nothing new to say?  
You pretend it's just hello, but you know what it does to me to see your number on the phone._"

No magical backing music yet.  
Keep singing, Quinn. It'll happen. You'll get 'em.

"_Now tell me, what do you want? What do you want? What do you want from me?  
Are you tryin' to bring back the tears or just the memories?  
You keep takin' me back, takin' me back where I've already been.  
When we hang up it's almost like I'm losing you again  
Can't you see? So what do you want, what do you want from me?_"

Come on, psychic band! We don't have all day!

"_I get so tired of living like this.  
I don't have the time, neither do my friends,  
To stay up at night, to pull me through,  
And to find the things to keep my mind off of you,_

_So, now tell me, what do you want? What do you want? What do you want from me?  
Did you call to say you've find someone and I'm a used-to-be?  
You keep takin' me back, takin' me back where I've already been.  
If you've moved on why does it feel like I'm losing you again?  
Can't you see? So what do you want? What do you want from me?_"

No music.  
No music, no band.  
Nothing but Quinn's voice.  
Which is a shame because the chords in this song are awesome.  
Keep singing, Quinn. Finish the song.

"_What do you want me to say?  
That I'm content? That I'm on the fence? That I wish you would've stayed?_

_Oh baby what do you want, what do you want, what do you want from me?  
To come here and make love tonight cause you're feelin' lonely  
You keep takin' me back, takin' me back where I've already been  
When we wake up and say goodbye it's like I'm losing you again.  
Can't you see? So what do you want, what do you want from me?  
What do you want, what do you want from me?_"

…  
…Aaargh!  
Where's the music!?

"Damn it! What do you want from me!?" Quinn growled at the absent psychic band.

Maybe they heard him from wherever they were.  
If they didn't, they probably weren't very good psychics.

_**~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~**_

Quinn stalked up to Ryan as he was happily humming to himself at his locker.

"_Hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm. If you were hmm. Hmm, hmm. That'd be ok. Hmm, hmm, 'cause hey. I'd like you anyway. Because you see. Hmm, hmm, hmm, me. I would feel free to say that hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm. But I'm not ga -_"

"Ryan!"

"Wha - Quinn! You're… what do…" Ryan shook his head to clear his thoughts and took a deep breath, signalling to Quinn that a speech was imminent. "Quinn, while I am aware that we haven't properly spoken in far too many days and there is much that needs to be discussed as soon as possible, I feel I must first address the rather pressing matter that is just what exactly you did to your hair. And your clothes. And -"

"Ryan! Later. We'll talk later. But right now, I need your help with something."

Oh, boy. He'd forgotten about Ryan's new look.  
Focus! Keep it together, man!

"This something doesn't happen to take place up against some kind of hard surface, does it? Because I'm not sure that would be all that productive given our -"

"Berry! I need your help with a song!"

Do _not_ push him against the lockers.  
Do _NOT _push him against the lockers and run your tongue down his smooth neck.  
Don't even think about it.

Ryan paused for a moment before grinning widely up at the frustrated, blushing blonde.  
"Of course, Quinn! Why didn't you say so?"

Instead of arguing, Quinn simply pulled a babbling Ryan by the wrist in the direction of the auditorium.

_**~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~**_

"So you're telling me that you think there's a group of clairvoyant musicians who have no better use for their gifts than to play music when we sing."

"Just help me!" Quinn whined and Ryan couldn't resist.

"If you really believe it will help, I'll sing a duet with you."

"For real?" Quinn checked.

"Yes, Quinn, for real. Now pick a song."

"Um… I was kinda hoping you could pick a song. I haven't been having much luck."

"You just have to choose one that means something to you. One that expresses how you feel."

Gosh, Quinn thought, are all after school activities gay? Or just the ones with Berry involved?

And then Quinn blushed so hard he had to pretend to tie his shoelace so Ryan wouldn't see.

"We should do For Good." Ryan said.

"Berry, what is it with you and girl's songs?"

"There's no such thing as a girl's song, Quinn. It may have originally been written to be sung by two girls but I fully believe that we could make it work."

"No," Quinn stated, feeling strangely bold "I have a better one."

Ryan shouldn't be seeing Jessie.  
Ryan should be with Quinn.  
Ryan should be lying naked under Quinn with a heaving chest and sweat-soaked hair and those deep eyes staring lustfully up at him…

Fuck.

Feelings.

Deep breath, Quinn. Close your eyes, imagine the music and sing.

"_I wanna dance by water 'neath the Mexican sky  
Drink some Margaritas by a string of blue lights  
Listen to the Mariachi play at midnight  
Are you with me, are you with me?_"

He looked at Ryan who just stared.

"_I wanna fall like the Carolina rain on your skin  
I wanna walk a little too far out on that limb  
Take you every place I've been and never been  
Are you with me, are you with me?_"

And just as Quinn thought he might burst into tears, Ryan came in with the harmony.

"_We can chase the wild dreams, live like crazy  
Love me baby, come on, come on, come on  
Just throw your arms around me  
We can run like we won't run out of time_"

Quinn sang facing the empty seats and not looking at Ryan.

"_I wanna fly so high that I'll never come down  
I wanna love so hard, it could rip my heart out  
I wanna get so lost that I'll never be found  
Are you with me? Are you with me?  
_

_We can chase the wild dreams, live like crazy  
Love me baby, come on, come on, come on  
Just throw your arms around me  
We can run like we won't run out of time  
_

_Are you with me?_

_We can chase the wild dreams, live like crazy  
Love me baby, come on, come on, come on  
Just throw your arms around me  
We can run like we won't run out of time_

_Are you with me?  
Are you with me?  
Are you with me?  
_

_Come on, come on, come on  
Just come with me_"

And then there was silence.  
Quinn had forgotten about the backing music entirely and couldn't think straight enough to remember if there had been any this time.  
What the Hell had he done?

And then there wasn't silence anymore.  
Because there was music.  
He glanced at Ryan to find the boy smiling widely at him.  
And then Ryan was singing.

"_You're stuck on me and my laughing eyes  
I can't pretend though you try to hide  
I like you, I like you_"

Ryan laughed at his change of words while Quinn still hadn't realised what was happening.

"_I think I felt my heart skip a beat  
I'm standing here and I can hardly breathe  
You got me yeah, you got me_

_The way you take my hand is just so sweet  
And that crooked smile of yours  
It knocks me off my feet_

_Oh, I just can't get enough  
How much do I need to fill me up?  
It feels so good, it must be love  
It's everything that I've been dreaming of_"

Ryan was dancing playfully now and a smile was growing on Quinn's face.

"_I give up, I give in, I let go, let's begin  
'Cause no matter what I do  
Oh, my heart is filled with you_

_I can't imagine what it'd be like  
Living each day in this life  
Without you, without you_

_One look from you, I know you understand  
This mess we're in, you know is just so out of hand _

_Oh, I just can't get enough  
How much do I need to fill me up?  
It feels so good, it must be love  
It's everything that I've been dreaming of_"

Quinn even joined in with the chorus this time.

"_I give up, I give in, I let go, let's begin  
'Cause no matter what I do  
Oh, my heart is filled with you_

_I hope we always feel this way  
I know we will  
And in my heart I know that you'll always stay_

_Oh, I just can't get enough  
How much do I need to fill me up?  
It feels so good, it must be love_"

By this point, both boys were dancing and laughing.

"_I give up, I give in, I let go, let's begin  
'Cause no matter what I do  
_

_Oh, I just can't get enough  
How much do I need to fill me up?  
It feels so good, it must be love  
It's everything that I've been dreaming of_

_I give up, I give in, I let go, let's begin  
'Cause no matter what I do  
Oh, my heart is filled with you_"

Ryan held Quinn's hands as he sang the last part with a smile.

"_Oh, you got me, you got me  
Oh, oh, you got me, you got me_"

Quinn was still kind of in shock.  
Did that really just happen?

"You sang country again. Careful, people might start to figure out that you're not as cool as you make out."

Smiling like a moron, Quinn retorted "And you sang a girl's song again. People might start to think that you're not as big and manly as you make out."

Ryan laughed which is very lucky if you think about it because that could have been taken very wrong.  
Ryan laughing made Quinn laugh and they didn't even notice when they were joined on stage.

"So, you caught us." Brittany said lightly.

"Britt? What do you mean?" Quinn asked.

"The band, Quinn. Gosh, I never realised you were so flighty. I suppose it has a little to do with the 'being-in-love' thing so I'll let you off this time but you should really try to pay more attention."

Quinn froze.

"For goodness' sake, Q! I already knew about your thing for Ryan. I would have known even if I wasn't psychic. Chill out."

"…?"

Brittany sighed.

"Could you explain in to him, Ryan? I think I've freaked him out."

"Of course, Britt." Ryan beamed and turned to face the blonde boy.

"Quinn, the psychic band is real. I'm sorry that I lied to you but I kind of had to. Brittany's in charge of it and I'm the deputy leader in charge of meetings."

Ryan waited for some form of acknowledgement. At Quinn's nod, he continued.

"By discovering the band, you have automatically earned a spot as a musician. You will, of course, be sworn to secrecy and must only speak of the band with other members during meetings. Congratulations, Quinn! Welcome aboard!"

Quinn just stood there with wide eyes.

"He doesn't believe us." Brittany noted.

"How can you not believe us, Quinn? You believed ten minutes ago." Ryan pointed out.

"I guess I just kinda thought I was wrong and it would turn out that there was no band and I was crazy."

"Nope." Britt helpfully supplied.

"You guys are psychic? Like, really psychic?" Quinn asked.

"Yep."

"Indeed, Quinn."

Quinn said nothing so Ryan elaborated.

"Britt's the real psychic. I only have a slight sixth sense but Britt's an all-out paranormal phenomenon! She can see the future! Or, rather, she sees every possible outcome of every action or decision and determines the most likely event."

"That's why multiple choice tests confuse me. Too many possible futures. Too many decisions. I usually just draw a duck on it and take a nap."

"So you knew this was going to happen? Why did you make me find you if you knew I was going to? Couldn't you just cut out the middle part? And why did you suggest that threesome if you knew it would end that way? And did you know how I felt the whole time? Oh my God! Is that why you kept interrupting me with those girls? You knew what would happen!"

"Quinn! Calm down! I didn't know what would happen. I only had a feeling that you shouldn't be with the girls so I interrupted. Believe me, if I knew what was going to happen, I would have brought an extra sweater to school."

"And I didn't really know that the threesome would end that way. I knew it might. But I also knew it might end up with the cast of Lost falling out of the ceiling and creating a whole in the space-time continuum which would have been a way better final episode, by the way. These things are impossible to be sure of."

"So you can't tell me my future?"

"'What lies behind us, and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us'. Ralph Waldo Emerson." Britt said.

Quinn stared at the other blonde while Ryan just nodded sagely.

"Wait! What about Jessie?" Quinn asked, having only just remembered the bitch.

"What about her?" Ryan replied.

"Aren't you two together?"  
Quinn was starting to get a sinking feeling. What if Ryan didn't mean what he sang?

"Oh! No, we're not! We were only pretending to date to boost the popularity of the glee club or something. I can't really remember the details now. The point is I'm free, single and totally into you." Ryan beamed.

Quinn just blushed awkwardly and returned the smile with a wonky one of his own.

"I'll leave you two alone, then. Congratulations on joining the band, Quinn."  
And with that, Brittany left, leaving the two boys alone on the stage.

"I really like your pink hair, Quinn."

"I really like your tight jeans, Berry"

* * *

**AN:** **Song lyrics are a bitch and a half to edit. It all comes up on one line.**

**Songs: _What do you want_ - ****Jerrod niemann, _Are you with me _- Easton Corbin, _You got me _- Colbie Calliat**

**Is anyone still reading? Should I write the smut or are you all bored?  
**


	8. Chapter 8

**AN: I'm bored with this story but at least I know how it's going to end now. I just hate Glee so much.**

**This Chapter is super short and super offensive because I'm in a lazy, offensive mood.  
**

**Chapter 8 - rated M, posted 15.11.12  
**

* * *

"So can we have sex now?"

"Quinn!" Ryan exclaimed, appalled.

"Is that a no?"

"I hardly think it would be appropriate to engage in sexual relations this early into our fledgling relationship!"

"But we already did it. And then we almost did it again. And then you said you were into me and I'm pretty sure that means you want to boink me as much as I do. You, I mean. So I think we should just get rid of all of this tension and all of our clothes and see how it feels to have my -"

"Quinn!" Ryan yelped "Just stop."

"So we're not going to have sex on the stage?" Quinn asked, distraught.

"We haven't even kissed yet." Ryan pointed out.

"What? Yes we have!"

"When?"

"Um…there was that time when…no, I dreamt that. What about…no; wasn't you…Oh! How about that one kiss when we were…Wait, that was a scene from Calamity Jane…"  
Ryan stared at the boy. Calamity Jane? What the Hell kind of -  
"But we've had sex! We must have kissed!" Quinn argued.

"Nope," Ryan replied "I thought you were going to lean in during that first time but you kind of just hung there, breathing into my mouth. It was weird."  
Quinn turned bright crimson and his mouth scrunched up.  
"We could kiss now, if you'd like?" Ryan offered.

Quinn nodded after a second and leant in.  
Ryan considered starting another long speech on the pros and cons of kissing before the first date but decided that it could wait. They weren't really going by the book with this anyway.  
Well, maybe if the book was a clichéd teen romance novel and at least one of them had supernatural abilities…Oh, wait!

And then they were kissing and it was pretty nice.  
Ryan thought it could have done with a few more fireworks and gold stars and maybe a musical number but he supposed he couldn't really expect it to be all that novel kissing Quinn. He had had his dick in his mouth, after all. A little kiss probably wouldn't be on the same scale as that.  
But it was nice. Great, even. Pretty damn fine.

Quinn had never really understood the whole 'fireworks' thing. He hadn't felt it with any of the girls he'd kissed. He sort of understood it now but fireworks didn't seem like the right description.  
It was more like a supernova. A gigantic star running out of nuclear fuel and exploding in a brilliant, terrifying display of light and heat and chaos and carnage. Ripping through the galaxy in a wave of destruction.  
No, that wasn't it either. Not quite.  
It was star birth.  
It was baby suns bursting from their intergalactic nurseries with a flood of radiation blasting through the dense clouds of dust that had kept them safe and hidden, shining brightly as they destroy everything around them just to twinkle that little bit brighter; to burn that little bit hotter.

That's exactly what kissing Ryan Berry was.  
Intense.

"So," Ryan started after he'd pulled his lips away from Quinn's "are you going to ask me to be your boyfriend yet?"

Quinn grimaced.  
"Boyfriend? Isn't that a little…Doesn't that…It's just so…gay."

"What? Quinn!"

"No, I know, it's just…can we call it something else? I want to be with you and have all the kissing and the sex - definitely the sex - but having a boyfriend is just too gay. I just don't think I'm the type."

Ryan stared before smirking lightly.  
"What would you prefer, Quinn? Life partner? Special friend? Very, very, very close companion? Comrade in arms? Drainpipe engineer? Friend of Dorothy? Gentleman of the back door? Manhole inspector? Interior designer? Shirt lifter? Log jammer? Sword swallower? Midnight cowboy? Piccolo player? Salad tosser? Rear brigadier? Ring pirate? Skin diver? Uphill gardener? Appreciator of Broadway musicals? Ass bandit? -"

"Ryan, will you be my boyfriend?" Quinn rushed out.

"Of course, Quinn. I would love to be your boyfriend." replied the arse bandit. I mean Ryan.

"…Wanna swallow my sword?" Quinn grinned.

_**~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~**_

"Oh my God. I never imagined this could feel so good!" Quinn moaned.

"I told you, Quinn, I have a lot of experience in this area and I know how to get it just right. I know you were hesitant at first and that you didn't think that you were the kind of person to be into it but you have absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. I rather enjoy it myself and I'm a firm believer in 'If it feels right, do it'."

Quinn slowly opened his eyes to peer at his very, very, very close companion…Boyfriend.  
"Can we have sex now?" he asked, reaching a hand up to scratch at the thick goo that covered his face.

"Quinn, I told you not to touch it. You need to keep it on for at least another ten minutes in order to get the most out of its moisturising properties. Your skin will be so smooth, Quinn! There's nothing like a good facial." Ryan beamed.

"That's what I'm saying." Quinn smirked.

"You're crass, Quinn. I don't know why I'm with you."

"Because you think I'm sexy."

"You have pink hair and a green face."

"Like a sexy troll doll."

"I'm walking away now."

_**~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~**_

Finn burst into the choir room just as Ryan was preparing to sing an original song to Quinn.  
It was about his boxers.

"Guys! Did you see it? Did you see!?" Finn shouted.

"Calm your tits, Stretch. Did we see what?" Santana huffed.

"Woah, who's that?" Sam whispered to Quinn.

"That's Finn. Haven't you ever met him? How long has he been gone!?" Quinn wondered.

"He's hot." the blonde girl whispered.

"That's disgusting." Quinn mumbled under his breath.

Finn ran off.  
After a while, they realised that he had intended for them to follow.  
Oh well. He'd find his way back eventually. He was like that stupid dog that didn't realise that it had been abandoned and kept coming back. He even had that same stupid dog face.

"Wanna make out?" Quinn whispered in Ryan's ear from the row behind him.

Ryan shuddered and took a deep breath before standing and addressing the club.  
"Fellow glee clubbers, I believe it would be in everyone's best interest if we were to split up and hunt down Finn. He's been missing for a while and it seemed like he had something important to show us. So…yeah…"  
And then he dragged Quinn out of the room by his sleeve.

_**~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~**_

"That was inappropriate." Ryan stated between heaving breaths and deep kisses.  
They'd found themselves a quiet corner of the empty lunch room and quickly made good use of it.

"I'll show you inappropriate." Quinn said as he placed Ryan's hand on his crotch.

"We're in school."

"Didn't stop us the first time." Quinn pointed out.

"Ok but this time you use your mouth on me."

Quinn wrenched himself away from the kiss to stare at the singer.  
"What? But that's not how this works! You're the bottom, I'm the top. You're the gayest so you go down on me."

"Firstly, I'd like to point out that what you just said was highly offensive and shows that you clearly know nothing about homosexuality or alternative lifestyles other than what you've seen on TV or heard in the hallways. Secondly - and let me make this very clear - I'm a top. I don't mind sharing every once in a while but I am a top and you are obviously a bottom in denial. And lastly, I've had girlfriends. You've had disastrous one-off humping sessions you didn't even get off on. The only satisfying sexual experience you've had consisted of rubbing your dick against another dick. Gayness cannot be measured and compared but if it could, you'd be gayer than me. Now are you going to get on your knees or would you like me to stand up?" Ryan asked sweetly.

Quinn could only gape at him as he smiled before sinking to his knees in a daze.

About three minutes in, all of the wall mounted TVs that usually just displayed school announcements at lunch time lit up and heavy metal came blasting through the intercom.  
A sequence of explosions and lasers played on the screens to the cacophonous wailing of electric guitars before the noise died down and the picture faded to reveal in fancy cursive:  
A THE Sue Sylvester Production.

Ryan's eyes were closed and Quinn was otherwise occupied so neither boy saw the kick-ass advert that had played all across the school.  
Later, Ryan would be told about it and shown a copy.  
He would proceed to rant for ninety-seven minutes on its inappropriateness.  
No-one else would think it was inappropriate. It was awesome.  
It was possibly the single most awesome advert ever created for anything.  
But no-one else would ever know what it was advertising.  
Because it never mentioned the glee club once.

* * *

**AN: Here's my bookend author's note. I do that because it looks weird if you just end it.**

**I think Sam and Finn would be terrible together and I don't know why I added that part.  
**

**Isn't it just the worst thing ever when you read a story with a sex scene and then the AN at the end says the writer's a thirteen year old girl?  
**

**I'm not a thirteen year old girl but this was just an implied blowjob so maybe it wouldn't be as bad.  
**


	9. Chapter 9

**AN: This is the final chapter. I f*cked you over big time. Prepare to be Dallased.**

**Chapter-Whatever-it-is, Posted: 05.12.12, Rated M or some sh*t.  
**

* * *

Finn looked more than a little confused when the blonde girl introduced herself and promptly began running her fingers up and down his bicep.  
He wasn't one to question things like this, though, so he smiled and flexed just a little bit.  
It couldn't hurt.  
The rest of the club looked on in varying states of disgust.

Puck yawned and stretched an arm over the back of Jessie's chair only to discover that she wasn't in it. Nor was she anywhere else in sight. He shrugged and moved on to Mercedes who seemed to be torn between being repulsed by the boy, flattered at the attention she was finally receiving or pissed off at being cut off mid-rant.  
Kurt didn't notice that she'd stopped speaking.  
If you cut off a zombie's head, is it, like, double dead or is it still just regular undead but you can't tell because it can't use its body anymore?  
What an awful fate!

Tina was writing in a black, leather-bound journal and ignoring everyone and everything.  
Mike and Matt were doing whatever it is that minor characters do.  
Santana was trying to pretend that Brittany's hand wasn't up her skirt.  
Artie was slowly becoming more and more of a sexist arse hole.  
Mr. Shuester was rubbing his stomach through his vest and remembering what it was like to have muscles.  
Quinn was fidgeting in his seat as Ryan wrote in his notebook in the row ahead.

Glee ended pretty quickly which was good because it was boring.  
Ryan took his time putting away his things, giving Quinn time to wait for everyone else to leave before approaching him.

"Hey, Ryan," Quinn said quietly "I was thinking that I might take you on that date you wanted today. If you want to. But you don't have to. But I'd like it if you did."

Ryan looked up at the still pink-haired boy.  
"Sure, Quinn. That sounds nice. Pick me up at seven?"

_**~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~**_

Ryan sat on his bed waiting for Quinn.  
He was rather looking forward to this evening.  
He'd had to drop a lot of hints to his boyfriend to get him to finally ask him of a date.  
Actually, he'd given up on the hints and resorted to blatant demands.  
Either way, it worked.

Quinn knocked on the front door and waited a full minute and a half for Ryan to answer.  
He'd only been to Ryan's house once before and that hadn't ended so well.  
This time was going to be different.  
This time, Quinn would get the sex he wanted so badly.

"Quinn, hi, how are you?" the singer smiled.

"Um…ok, thanks." Quinn answered "I don't really know what to get a guy for a date and, like, flowers or chocolates seemed stupid so…um…here." he said, holding out a can of lynx body spray.

Ryan stared at it for a moment before looking up at Quinn who seemed uncomfortable.  
He decided not to question it and simply took the can, placing it on the table inside the door.

"Well, let's go then shall we?" he asked.

_**~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~**_

"Mmmm, right there." Quinn moaned as Ryan kissed his neck.

They had watched half of the film playing in the cinema in silence before Quinn's awkwardness annoyed Ryan and he decided to put an end to it the obvious way.

"Why were you so uncomfortable?" Ryan whispered into Quinn's ear.

Quinn took a moment to gather his thoughts before responding.  
"I've…um…never been on a date before."

Ryan pulled away.  
"Never?"

Quinn shook his head shyly.

"Well then I'd better make this one memorable for you." Ryan husked.

A hand was slid into trousers, a head rolled back, an angry "Shhhhh!" was hissed, a drink was spilled, a phone beeped, a text was read, the hand was removed, and exasperated groan sounded, a pink-haired boy was dragged out by a brunette, a butterfly flapped its wings and an earthquake destroyed a barn in Japan.

"Why are we leaving?" Quinn whined.

"Someone needs accompaniment." Ryan answered "The psychic band? Remember?"

Quinn stared.  
"What!?"

Ryan just pushed him into the passenger seat of his car and drove them to their destination.

It turned out that Jessie was the one in need of backing music.  
Bloody Broadway types.  
She was singing to a bewildered Karofsky about her intense love for him.  
They played some terrible love song from the shadows as the poor idiot looked around for help.  
Quinn didn't think he knew the song but he somehow managed to play it perfectly on an instrument he'd never even seen before.  
Black magic. It's the only explanation.

Afterwards, they made their way back to Ryan's house where they kissed chastely and said their goodbyes.  
And then Quinn spent twenty minutes in his car trying to get rid of that damn erection from the partial hand job he'd received.  
The date was memorable alright.

_**~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~**_

"San…San…San…San…San…Sa - "

"What, Britt?"

"Do you like this?"

"Yeah it's awesome."

"What about this?"

"That's awesome too."

"And this?"

"Britt! Baby, please, stop asking me if I like it. If you're doing it, I like it."

"What about if I was dressed as a duck?"

"Then I'd still like it."

"What if I stapled you to the ceiling, set you on fire and jabbed twenty seven rusty katanas through your scorched flesh in front of a bunch of school kids while Jacob Ben Israel filmed it all without any clothes on and coach Sylvester shouted insults at you while wearing Mr. Schue's skin as a cape?"

Santana didn't achieve orgasm that night.

_**~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~**_

"We should have sex." Quinn whispered into Ryan's ear as the glee club did anything but sing around them.

"There should be less war in the world." Ryan whispered back.

Santana looked on with narrowed eyes.

"Sanny, you're doing the eye thing again. Are you ok?"

"Britt, you know I love you but I just can't look at you right now. I need some time apart to get over the horrific images you conjure up in that sick, sick mind of yours. I hope you understand."

"Totally, baby! I'll just be over here, imagining what you look like naked."

"But you know what I look like naked. You could just remember it."

"I mean 'without-skin' naked."

Santana would never tell Puck why she looked so pale when she went to sit next to him but years later, while visiting his blonde cheerleader friend in the clink, Brittany would reveal to him what she'd said that day.

It would later come up again in his suicide note after he murdered all those children.

"Alright, maggots! Listen up! This is Sue's show now! Everyone who's fat, get out! Everyone who's ugly, get out! Everyone who's annoying, get out! Everyone with a stupid haircut, get out! Everyone - Oh, wait, that is everyone…Everyone, get out!"

"Sue, don't you think -"

"William, I am a doer, not a thinker. Do you know who was a thinker?"

"…Albert Einstein?"

"Right! And where did it get him? Nowhere! Now get out of my new Sue Sylvester Appreciation room!"

"NO!" bellowed Matt "We don't have to listen to you! You're just a comedic antagonist who…has no…thingydoodle…caramel…washing machine…" and then he faded into nothing.

"What the Hell just happened!?" Mike cried but he, too, fell victim to the mysterious fade.

"Oh no! They're getting rid of the minor and secondary characters! I'm too young to faaaaade!"  
There goes Puck.

Mercedes faded next, to which Kurt let out a sigh of relief before fading himself.

Artie had the gall to look surprised when he began to peter out. Like he thought he was an important part of the story or something.

Brittany's grinning image seemed to flicker for a second before disappearing along with a terrified Santana.

Finn and Sam were locked in a passionate smooch as they faded and Sue and Schue did the same. Gross, right?

Jessie hadn't shown up today but she probably faded too. Who cares?

Ryan dropped to his knees and threw his hands in the air as his edges became fuzzy.  
"I was meant to be a star, dammit!" he cried before he was gone.

"Great, now how am I going to get laid?" Quinn huffed as he became transparent.

In the silence of the once-full choir room, a lone figure closed its leather-bound book and calmly stood.  
"How come when I auditioned I was a punk and then I was suddenly goth and then Asian vampire? They're not the same, people. They're not the same."  
And then Tina was gone too.

The room was calm and still and quiet and so much better than it had been before.  
All those fucking teenagers were getting on my nerves.  
And then there was the smell of blackcurrant squash and the air felt like copper oxide.  
The ground opened up and sucked everything in so it was upside-down inside the Earth and everything tasted like a cross between Mendelssohn's Violin Concerto in green crayon and How To Teach Quantum Physics To Your Dog by Chad Orzel read by the peanut m&m.

It was hot and cold like when you come in from the snow and your feet start to thaw out and it feels like they might be burning but they're really freezing.

And then the feet fall off and grow legs that grow legs that grow legs in a fractal-like fashion that would give M. C. Escher a seizure.

And then Escher throws himself down those damn stairs and his bloody, mangled corpse keeps falling forever, hitting the edge of every step and splitting his skull further and further apart until tiny Phil Collins that was controlling him falls out and starts jamming along to You'll Be In My Heart from Tarzan.

And Tarzan punches Escher's corpse in the face, grabs some of the fractal legs and bends them into Möbius Strips for the new Doctor Who to wear around his warped head.

And Doctor Who takes the Möbius Strips into the TARDIS and destroys the universe.

The universe breaks into eleven separate verses and each verse is from a different Disney song and they all play together to create the ultimate Disney medley.

The medley, which exists outside of the fractured universe, inspires Escher to draw those damn stairs which later kill him causing the medley to be created which leads to the stairs being drawn which leads to the medley which leads to the stairs which lead to more stairs which lead to more stairs which lead to the first stairs which lead to more stairs…

And the cast of Lost fell upwards out of the ground through the hole in the space-time continuum thus setting right the wrongs of that awful final episode.

_**~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~**_

"Baby…Baby…Babe! Wake up!"

"Wha - B, what is it? What's wrong?"

"It happened again." the blonde replied.

"B, it's just a dream. Go back to sleep."

"But San! It was so real!"

The covers were thrown back, a tired body was stretched out (and leered at) and a comforting hand was placed on a shoulder.

"It was a dream, Brett," the Latino stated "None of it was real. There is no Jessie, no Finn, no singing-dancing-gay-club, there's no such thing as a cheer-leader or high-school and you are not a girl."

"But what if it was real and this isn't!?" Brett cried.

Santiago pressed a firm kiss to his lips.  
"Does that feel real to you?" he asked gently and waited for his boyfriend's nod "Then stop worrying."

The blonde nodded and flopped onto the bed as his lover walked over to open the curtains.

As he looked out over the rolling, blue hills to the double sunrise in the distance, he couldn't help but feel like life wasn't meant to be any other way.

* * *

**AN: And they were in space the whole time.  
**

**I actually have a great idea for Tina and her diary but it might just stay in my head forever.  
**

**I also could do a couple of one-shots later on from this dream-verse that include all the filth that I was too lazy to put in here.  
**

**Anyway, this is what happens when you start a story and don't have a clear plan in mind. Tell me how pissed off you are.  
**


End file.
